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I SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISED. But I still am.
Sitting on the cold stone steps outside school, I let out an annoyed sigh, my phone pressed to my ear. It rings. And rings. And rings. Until-
Voicemail.
I grit my teeth and hang up, immediately calling again. This time, it doesn’t even ring. Straight to voicemail.
He doesn’t even care that he left without me, does he?
I press my lips together, forcing down the frustration curling inside me. He was supposed to take me home. It’s what he always does. It’s been the routine since Felix and I started Royal Academy. But today? No word. No text. No explanation.
Just gone.
I exhale sharply, pulling up Mum’s number instead.
She picks up after three rings. At least someone in this family remembers I exist.
“Carmen? Estás bien?”
No, mum. I am not okay. “Dad was supposed to pick me up,” I say, my voice tight. “But he’s not answering. Do you know where he is?”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she sighs, distracted. “He probably had to leave quickly for something. You know how he is.”
I clench my jaw. “How come he left me and not Felix, then?”
A beat of silence. Then, a light chuckle. “Oh, you know them two. They’re always together.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “Right. Of course.”
She doesn’t even notice the bitterness in my tone. Doesn’t ask if I need a ride. Probably assumes I’ll figure it out on my own.
Like I always do.
“Got to go, darling,” Mum says before I can get another word in. “I’m in the middle of something.”
Of course she is. She’s always in the middle of something. Whether it’s a business idea, a meeting, or whatever new project she’s taken on, she’s too busy to pay attention to me.
Just like Dad.
Just like Felix.
Just like everyone.
I hang up without saying goodbye, dropping my phone onto my lap. My fingers tighten around the device as I stare at the pavement beneath me, my mind replaying the last few weeks.
Winter break is supposed to be a time for family.
Except, mine doesn’t feel like a family anymore.
Dad and Felix spent most of it training. Every morning, every evening. Felix running drills, Dad shouting instructions. It didn’t even matter that it was a holiday.
Football comes first. It always comes first.
And Mum? She was locked in her office, brainstorming ideas for some new business plan. She barely even looked up when I passed by.
We didn’t have a single family dinner. Not one.
And it’s stupid, but I miss it. I miss the way things used to be. I miss when we actually spent time together, when I didn’t feel like some extra piece in their perfect little puzzle.
Everything is changing.
And I don’t know how to stop it.
I let out a long breath, shoving the thoughts away. They don’t matter. Not right now. Right now, I just need to figure out how I’m getting home.
I push myself up, slipping my phone into my pocket. As I turn around, I slam straight into something solid.
No-someone.
I stumble back, my heart jolting, but before I can even react, a steady hand grips my wrist, keeping me from completely losing my balance.
I blink up, and my stomach does this weird flip when I realize who it is.
Aaron.
His dark brows pull together slightly, green eyes scanning me as he drops his hand from my wrist. “What are you still doing here?”
I exhale sharply, composing myself. “What are you doing here?”
Aaron lifts his duffel bag slightly. “Had to grab my gear.”
Right. Football. Of course.
“Now answer my question,” he says, crossing his arms.
“My dad had to leave in a rush and couldn’t take me home,” I mutter.
Aaron is quiet for a moment, then tilts his head slightly. “Want a ride?”
I blink. “Wait-you drive?”
He smirks. “I do now.”
“You have a car?”
“Maybe.”
“You had your birthday?”
His smirk widens. “I did.”
I open my mouth, then close it again, realising something. I didn’t even know when his birthday was. Guilt pinches at me for some reason, so I clear my throat. “Happy late birthday, Aaron.”
His smirk softens into something different. Something almost… warm. “Thanks, Blondie,” he murmurs, chuckling.
As we walk toward his car, I think about asking him how his birthday went. It feels like the polite thing to do, but then I remember-he said he’s not big on birthdays. He probably wouldn’t want to talk about it. So instead, I go for something else.
“How was your break? Did you go on holiday?”
His shoulders go rigid for a second, like he wasn’t expecting the question. But then, just as quickly, he exhales and shrugs, his voice even. “Stayed in England but it was good. How was yours?”
I open my mouth to answer, but all words leave me the second I see it. His car.
All black, sleek, and shining under the gray winter sky. It’s nice. Really nice.
My eyes trace the clean, sharp lines of the BMW, and from the shape and design, I recognize it immediately. A 2012 3 Series.
Dad used to talk about these when I was younger, listing all the specs like I actually cared. 2.0-liter turbocharged engine, sharp handling, smooth acceleration. I barely listened then, but now? I get it.
“You like it?” Aaron’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and when I turn, I find him watching me with an amused smirk.
Without thinking, I nod. But then I catch myself and quickly correct, “I mean… it’s alright.”
Aaron scoffs, nudging me playfully as he unlocks the doors. “Liar.”
I laugh, shaking my head as I slide into the passenger seat. The leather is cool against my legs, the inside just as nice as the outside. Clean, smelling like a mix of pine air freshener and him.
As I pull on my seatbelt, I feel his gaze flicker toward me. When I look over, he’s still watching me, something unreadable in his expression.
Then he asks, “You hungry?”
I narrow my eyes skeptically. “Why?”
“Jack’s always talking about the chicken and chips shop down the road. Says it’s the best.” He glances at me again. “You down?”
I pull out my phone and check the time. It’s 4:30. No missed calls. No texts from either of my parents asking where I am.
I could go home now, go straight to my room, and spend the rest of the night alone. Or… I could just not.
A small smile tugs at my lips. “I’m down.”
Aaron grins before starting the car. The engine purrs to life, and within seconds, we’re pulling onto the road.
The drive is quick, barely three minutes, but we talk the whole time.
At first, it’s nothing serious-he teases me about my so-called lack of car knowledge, and I roll my eyes and remind him that he was the one who played like an amateur in the semi-finals.
“I literally set up Felix’s goal.”
“Barely.” That was a lie. He did. But he always messes with me so it’s my turn to mess with him.
He scoffs. “I see what you’re doing, Carmen.”
I open my mouth to respond, but before I can, he pulls into a parking spot outside a small chicken shop. The scent of fried food immediately fills the air, and my stomach grumbles at the smell.
Aaron notices, shooting me a smug look. “Yeah, you’re definitely hungry.”
I roll my eyes as we step inside. It’s warm, the air thick with the smell of seasoning and fresh chips. A few people are scattered around the tables, but Aaron heads straight to the counter.
I should be looking over the menu like Aaron is doing but my mind is suddenly elsewhere. My phone keeps buzzing in my coat pocket, over and over. When I pull it out, I see my brother’s name on the screen.
Felix?
I blink, confused, before my phone buzzes again-text after text, all from him. Apologies. Explanations.
“What are you tryna get, Blondie?” I hear Aaron ask but the knot in my throat won’t let me respond.
Felix:
Carmen wtf I didn’t know he was just going to leave you.
I’m sorry.
Apparently my manager called and said some premier league team is interested in me.
Hello?
You good?
Did you get home safe?
Shit.
I can’t be on my phone right now but text me when you get this.
I swallow hard. Before I can even process them, I hear Aaron’s voice next to me. “Never mind, lad. I’ll have two.”
I glance up. He’s already paying, sliding a bill across the counter like it’s nothing.
I frown. “Did you just pay for me?”
His eyes narrow as he scans my face as if he can somehow sense something is wrong.
“Who was texting you?” he asks, completely ignoring my question.
I hesitate for a second before I quickly put my phone back into my coat pocket. “It’s nothing,” I lie. I just don’t want to talk or even think about it. Instead, I want my head to be here. In the present.
His brows furrow. It’s clear from his facial expression that not one part of him believed me but he doesn’t push any further.
It’s weird though. How he can see right through me. How he can tell something is bothering me and when I’m lying. No one ever does. So why him?
“The finals are soon,” I say, trying to change the subject. “Are you excited?”
“Lots of scouts are going to be watching that game, I need to be at my best,” he replies but it almost seems like he’s talking to himself rather than me. “But yeah, I’m pretty excited.”
“I’ll be there,” I tell him.
“Just because it’s the finals or because you’re seeing me play?”
“Hmm,” I muse, my lips tilting up. “Both.”
“Both?” His eyes widen. “I thought you were only coming because it’s the finals. What happened to that, Blondie?”
“We’re friends now.” I shrug. “Wouldn’t it be rude not to come and support you?”
“Very rude.”
“See.” My smile widens as he plays along.
“Forget the scouts, I’m going to have even more pressure on me,” he groans, shaking his head in annoyance.
My face drops in worry. “What? Why?”
“Because a pretty girl is gonna be watching me.”
A pretty girl..? Wait-does he mean me?
“Oh, really?” I ask, crossing my arms.
He takes a step closer, so close that I need to look up to meet his eyes. “Yeah, really,” he breathes out, his tone soft.
Oh, my-
Before I can even process what he said and how he’s looking at me, one of the workers yells out a number. He just saved me. May that man live a long beautiful life.
Aaron turns around and I watch as he grabs the two bags then hands one to me. “I got you the same order as me,” he says as we walk out of the shop.
“And what would that be?”
“The best order that you’ll ever try,” he responds with such confidence I can’t help but let out a snort.
“We’ll see about that.” The drive starts smooth, quiet. I watch the streets blur past, the sky above us darkening into night. But there’s something on my mind-where the hell are we going?
I glance at Aaron. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
I huff, crossing my arms. “You try to be so mysterious, it’s annoying.”
He just smirks, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.
Since he’s clearly not going to tell me, I sigh and reach for the CD player, expecting it to be empty. But when I press the button, soft, familiar music fills the car.
My face lights up instantly. Forever by The Little Dippers. A beautiful song from way before my time, but I know it well.
I turn to Aaron, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t think there would be anything in there,” I chuckle. “Most importantly, I didn’t expect it to be this song?”
His expression shifts, lips quirking up in a small smile. “My mum used to make a bunch of CDs. It’s hers. She used to have a record player too. She loved that stuff.”
I don’t miss the way his eyes darken for a second, the sadness flashing through them before he blinks it away. Talking about his mum clearly isn’t easy for him. I don’t know what happened to her but I can imagine it wasn’t good at all, so I don’t ask. Instead, I just listen as the soft hum of music carries through the car.
Aaron turns into an empty parking lot and pulls into a space before shutting the car off-except, he leaves the engine running just enough for the music to keep playing.
I frown. “Why are we-“
Before I can finish, he steps out of the car.
I watch, confused, as he walks to the back and hops onto the boot, settling in like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
Then he looks at me, smirking. “Get on then.”
I cross my arms. “Are you serious?”
“I am.” He nods.
I shake my head, but I still step out, the cold night air wrapping around me instantly. Pulling my coat tighter around me, I walk over and-hesitantly-climb onto the boot beside him.
Aaron reaches into the bag, pulling out our food, and hands me one of the boxes along with a can of fanta. Somehow he guessed my favourite drink. When I open the box, there’s a chicken burger and a side of fries.
I take a bite of the burger, my eyes widening. “Okay, you’re right. This is definitely the best.”
“Told ya’.” He grins before taking a bite of his own.
We eat in comfortable silence, the music playing softly through the speakers. The parking lot is empty, the only light coming from the streetlamp a few meters away, casting a dim glow over us.
When I finish, I brush the crumbs off my hands and glance at him.
“Thanks for this, by the way.”
Aaron looks over. “It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not,” I insist.
I realize then that this isn’t the first time he’s bought me food. And it isn’t the first time he’s gone out of his way to make me happy.
A thought crosses my mind, and before I can stop myself, I say it, “You know what I think, Aaron?”
He raises a brow. “Do tell.”
“You’re really sweet.”
His head snaps up slightly, lips twitching like he’s trying not to smile. “What?”
“There’s no way you’re the boy that gets into fights and got suspended more times than I can count.” I shake my head. “Because you, Aaron O’Connor, are really fucking sweet.”
He lets out a laugh, tilting his head back slightly. “Bloody hell.”
“What?” I laugh along with him.
“You’re something, Carmen.”
“You’ve said that before, and I still have no idea what it means.”
He smirks. “I’ll tell you one day.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he confirms.
I smile without realizing it, and it’s only when my cheeks start to hurt that I notice how big it is. How real it is.
The moment stretches between us, warm and comfortable. Then, a new song starts playing through the speakers. Look After You by The Fray.
I immediately jump off the car. “Let’s dance!”
Aaron blinks. “Dance?”
“Yes! I love this song!”
He looks hesitant. “I’m not much of a dancer, Carmen.”
“Please?”
A sigh escapes him but he stands up. That’s all I need before I grab his hand and pull him closer.
The thing is, I am dancing. But Aaron? Not so much. He isn’t moving. He’s just standing there, watching me.
The music swells around us, blending with the soft patter of rain against the pavement, but all I can focus on is the way his gaze lingers. His eyes trace the way I move, like he’s studying me, like he’s trying to figure something out.
It makes something in my stomach turn and twist.
I slow down, my arms dropping slightly as I meet his stare. “What?”
He shakes his head, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “Nothing.”
Before I can press him further, the drizzle turns into a full downpour. I tilt my head up, closing my eyes as the cold droplets hit my face, soaking into my clothes.
Aaron groans beside me. “Carmen-“
“No,” I say quickly, grinning as I step away from him. “Let’s stay out a little longer.”
“You’re going to get sick.”
“I’m fine,” I assure him.
He sighs, running a hand through his wet hair. “Come on, inside.”
I shake my head again.
“Carmen.” He steps forward, reaching for my wrist, but I slip out of his grasp with a laugh.
His eyes narrow. “Don’t start.”
“Or what?” I tease, stepping back again.
His jaw tightens like he’s debating whether or not it’s worth the chase. And then-he moves.
I let out a squeal, dodging him just in time.
A smile flashes across his face. “You think you’re quick?”
“I know I am.”
“We’ll see about that.”
He lunges again, but I dart away, slipping and sliding on the wet pavement. It turns into a game-me trying to outrun him, and him determined to catch me. My laughter echoes through the empty parking lot as I dodge him once, twice, but on the third time, his arms wrap around my waist from behind.
“Aaron!” I shriek, kicking my legs as he lifts me off the ground.
He laughs, holding me up with ease. “Will you finally get into the car then?”
“Yes!”
“I couldn’t hear you, what was that?”
He can’t be serious. “I said yes, Aaron!”
Chuckling, he finally sets me back down, but not before I swat his arm. Still grinning, he grabs the car keys from his pocket. “Come on then, before you actually get sick.”
We slide into the car, slamming the doors behind us as the rain beats down on the roof. I can hear our breathing, the remnants of laughter still lingering in the air.
Aaron runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “Fucking hell,” he mumbles.
“The seats,” I wince, looking up at him. “Ugh, sorry.”
He just smiles, shaking his head. “I like seeing you like this.”
I glance at him, raising a brow. “Like what? Soaking wet from the rain? I’m so sure my mascara is dripping down my cheeks right now, and my makeup is ruined.”
“Still.”
I roll my eyes before nudging his shoulder lightly. “You’re weird.”
He just chuckles before turning the key in the ignition.
The drive is quiet, the only sound coming from the soft music playing through the speakers. I lean back against the seat, staring out the window as the city lights blur past.
And all I can think about is how much fun I just had.
How, out of all people, it was with Aaron O’Connor.
Before I even realize it, we’re in front of my house.
He shifts in his seat, looking over at me. The look on his face is telling me he doesn’t want this night to be over. And neither do I.
“Night, Aaron,” I mutter with a soft smile. “And again… thank you.”
“There’s no need for a thank you,” he tells me. “Goodnight, Carmen.”
And with that, I step out into the rain, shutting the door behind me. I walk into the house with a smile still tugging at my lips, my body still warm from laughter even though I’m soaked from the rain. My hair drips onto my jacket, and my shoes squeak slightly against the hardwood floor as I head for the stairs. But before I can take another step-
“Where are you going, Carmen?” My dad’s voice cuts through the air like a whip, sharp and demanding. My whole body stiffens.
“Come down here. Right now!”
The smile vanishes from my face. Of course. I should’ve known. There was no way I could have ended the day happy. My parents just had to ruin it.
I slowly turn and walk down the steps, my hands curling into fists at my sides as I step into the open kitchen and living room area.
“It’s almost seven,” my dad says, standing up from the couch. His arms are crossed, his expression unreadable-but his tone says enough.
I glance at my mum, who’s sitting on the couch, her face pulled into something that’s supposed to resemble disappointment.
“I know that, Dad,” I say, confused about what point he’s trying to make.
“Oh, you know that?” He lets out a dry chuckle. “Then why are you home this late when you should have been here straight after school?” He shakes his head. “You didn’t inform me or your mother where you were.”
I stare at him, waiting for the punchline.
“You can’t be serious.” A laugh slips from my lips, sharp and disbelieving. “Last time I checked, you left me. You didn’t drive me home, and you didn’t even tell me you weren’t going to.”
“I expected you to find your way home, not stay out without telling anyone!” he snaps.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, voice dripping in sarcasm. “For almost an hour, I was calling you, wondering where the hell you were. You never called back, so don’t act like you cared where I was.”
“Carmen Elena Castro!” My dad yells, the type that makes the whole house go silent within an instant. “What is with this attitude?”
“I don’t see why I’m the one getting shouted at when none of you even checked on me!” I pull out my phone and hold up the home screen. “No missed calls. No texts. So tell me, Dad, how worried were you, really?”
Before I can react, he snatches the phone out of my hand.
I freeze. “What the fuck?” I step back, my chest heaving.
“Language!” he snaps before turning towards my mum, letting out a tired sigh. “This is exactly what I’m talking about-this attitude. I’ve had enough of it.” Is he serious? “You’re not getting your phone back until I see fit.”
My stomach drops. “Wait, what? For what?!”
“These are the consequences of your own actions, mija,” my mum says, voice softer than my dad’s but just as firm.
“Mamá, qué hice?” My voice comes out weaker-more hurt-than I expected.
“Don’t look to your mother for help because she agrees with me,” my dad says. “We both have had enough of you.”
His words hit harder than they should.
I don’t say another word. I just turn on my heel and storm up the stairs, my vision blurring.
“Now you’re going to lock yourself in your room like you always do!” my dad calls after me.
I shove past Felix in the hallway, ignoring the way his eyes fill with concern.
Just like my dad said, I lock myself in my room.
I press my back against the door, my breathing uneven as my eyes burn with tears.
How fucking stupid am I?
For one second-one bloody second-I actually thought today would be good. That I could laugh and dance in the rain and have fun without something ruining it.
But I should’ve known better.
I let my head fall back against the door, biting down on my lip to keep the sob from escaping.
They didn’t even care. They didn’t care that I wasn’t home. Didn’t even ask where I was. But now, suddenly, it’s a problem?
I wipe my face aggressively, hating myself for crying over people who don’t give a shit about me.
My dad left me at school without a second thought because he had to rush to some meeting for Felix. Because when it comes to him, they’ll drop everything.
But for me? Nothing.
If I was hurt-if I needed serious help-would they even care?
I inhale shakily, my whole body trembling, and kneel down beside my bed. My fingers work at the loose floorboard until it pops open.
Reaching inside, I pull out the clear plastic bag. The tiny white pills shift inside as I unzip it, pouring a few into my palm. My hands tremble as I stare down at the pills resting in my palm. Small, white, harmless-looking. But I know better.
They aren’t harmless. They’re powerful. They do exactly what I need them to do.
They quiet the storm in my head. They make the anger, the pain, the unbearable ache of being unwanted disappear.
I curl my fingers around them, squeezing my hand into a fist so tightly my nails bite into my skin. My breathing is uneven, my chest rising and falling too fast as my vision blurs again-not from the tears, but from the overwhelming weight of it all.
I should have known.
I should have fucking known that today was too good to be true. That the laughter, the dancing, the feeling of being light for the first time in forever was just a trick. That happiness, for me, is always borrowed-never truly mine to keep.
I take a slow, shaky breath and press my fist against my forehead, shutting my eyes.
I can still feel it. The way Aaron smiled at me like I was something good. The way he laughed, warm and real, as he lifted me off the ground. The way he looked at me while I danced, like I was someone-someone worth looking at.
I hold onto it, just for a second. Let it sit in my chest, let it fool me into thinking I can hold onto it forever.
But then my dad’s voice cuts through my head again. We both have had enough of you.
And just like that, it’s gone.
I stare at the pills again, swallowing hard.
This is all I have.
This is the only thing that stays. The only thing that doesn’t leave, or abandon me, or look at me like I’m too much to handle.
It’s the only thing that makes the hurt stop.
I drop the pills onto my desk and reach for my metal water bottle.
I just want to stop feeling this way.
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