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THINGS AT HOME AREN’T GREAT.
Mum is still mad at me. That’s nothing new. She’s been mad at me more times than I can count, but this time feels worse because she told Dad. And now he’s mad at me too.
Mum’s anger is sharp and loud, like a fire that burns too hot but dies out quickly.
Dad’s? It lingers. He doesn’t yell or throw things or make dramatic threats. No, he just looks at me like I’m a disappointment and gives me one of his long, drawn-out lectures, like he’s some wise man imparting knowledge instead of a father who barely knows his daughter.
So because of that, I’ve been avoiding him like the plague. Not that it’s hard. He doesn’t make much effort with me unless I’ve done something wrong or he needs me to do something for him. His attention is always on Felix—his golden boy, his pride and joy, the son he actually cares about. I don’t even think it’s intentional anymore. It’s just the way things are.
And speaking of Felix, he’s been giving me these looks lately. Those sad, guilty glances across the kitchen or hallway, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. Like he feels bad. Maybe he does. Maybe, for the first time in our lives, he actually realises that the way things are isn’t fair.
But that doesn’t change the fact that when we were younger, he liked the attention he got. He used it against me. He let Mum and Dad put me second. And now that I’ve stopped caring, now he feels guilty?
I blame him a little. I know it’s not all his fault, but some part of me can’t help it.
A loud burst of laughter from the kitchen drags me from my thoughts. I blink, the weight on my chest shifting as I remember where I am. JJ’s house, not home. I push down everything I was thinking about and focus on this.
Tonight is supposed to be fun. It’s us-me, JJ, Val, and Aly. A proper girls’ night.
I step into the kitchen, and the sight makes me smile. The countertop is a mess of flour, rolling pins, and half-made pizzas. JJ is arguing with Val about how much cheese is too much, while Aly is shaping her dough into a wonky-looking heart.
“You’re supposed to put it on the pizza, not drown in it,” JJ tells Aly flatly.
“You can never have too much cheese,” she argues, holding up a ridiculous handful of shredded mozzarella.
“She’s kind of right,” I say, grabbing a handful myself and dropping it on my pizza.
JJ sighs dramatically. “I should’ve known I’d be outnumbered.”
“Always,” I smirk. The scent of melting cheese and fresh dough fills the massive kitchen as I lean against the marble counter, watching Valeria struggle to shape her pizza into a heart. “Yours looks like a diseased kidney,” I comment, biting into a piece of stray pepperoni.
“Shut up,” Valeria grumbles, pressing the dough into another misshapen blob.
Aly laughs, reaching over to steal a piece of my cheese. “She’s not wrong, Val. That thing’s an insult to love.”
JJ snorts from where she’s standing near the oven. “And yet it still looks better than Carmen’s.”
I scowl at her, glancing down at my own pizza. Okay, fine. Mine looks more like a deformed starfish than a heart, but at least I tried.
Aly throws an arm around my shoulders, grinning. “Don’t worry, Carmen. Yours just has… character.”
“Yeah. The character of a failed anatomy lesson,” Valeria mutters, making all of us crack up.
This is what I love-moments like this. The easy laughter, the ridiculous conversations about nothing. It’s why I agreed to a girls night at JJ’s even though I had a million reasons to say no.
JJ’s house is massive, the kind of modern mansion that belongs in a glossy magazine. White marble floors, gold accents everywhere, walls made of glass that overlook a huge garden with a pool. It’s a beautiful house. Cold, though. Not temperature-wise, but in a way that makes it feel… empty.
I guess it kind of is. It’s just JJ and her dad living here. Although her dad travels like crazy for work, he’s rarely ever around, which leaves JJ all on her own.
She says she loves it, loves having all the freedom-coming home whenever she wants, going to parties-all without a parent to yell at her for it but I know that’s a partial lie.
That’s why I used to always invite her over to my house that’s luckily just down the street. That’s kind of out of the picture now considering she can’t be within five feet from my brother, which is why we’re all at her house right now.
Valeria’s loud laughs pull me out of my thoughts and I realise I’ve been too zoned out to know what they’re talking about.
“Hm?” I ask, looking between them with a confused look.
“The semi-finals, dummy,” Aly chuckles.
I pause mid-chew, my stomach twisting.
Her boyfriend, Carson, plays for the Royal Academy team, so of course she’d bring it up. I try not to react, keeping my face neutral.
“Insane game,” Val says, shaking her head. “Felix’s goal at the end was sick.”
“Connie’s pass was sicker,” Aly points out.
It was. He played really great. I can tell that he puts his all into the game and how much he cares about it but I never really thought about it until yesterday after I saw that big grin on his face when the match ended.
Valeria turns to me with a smirk. “Speaking of Connie…”
I freeze.
“So… You and Connie?”
My brows furrow. “Aaron?” I say, confused. And then it clicks. My entire face scrunches up. “No, no, no.”
JJ narrows her eyes like she doesn’t believe me, while Aly is already giggling behind her hand.
“We saw you skive school with him the other day,” JJ says.
Shit. “So?” I say, crossing my arms. “We’re friends.”
“Friends?” Valeria repeats slowly.
“Yes.”
JJ tilts her head, looking at me like I just grew a second head. “You’re friends with him?”
“That’s what I just said, no?”
She raised a brow. “He plays football. He hangs out with the popular kids. He gets into fights. All stuff that you hate, Carmen.”
I roll my eyes. “Like I said, we’re friends. Just friends, so all of you can calm down.”
“I’m calm,” Aly says, raising a hand in surrender, her grin anything but calm. “I’m actually loving this! Soon we can go on double dates.”
My eyes nearly pop out of my skull. “Wait, what?”
“No double dates will be happening. I’m single. Aaron’s single. That’s it.”
Aly pouts, but Valeria just hums, studying me. “You know he’s a player, right? But since he’s come to Royal, he hasn’t shown a hint of attention to the girls here.”
I blink. “Great fact, Val. Thanks, I guess?”
She leans forward, her smirk growing. “What I’m trying to say is… maybe he has his eye on someone. And maybe that someone is you.”
I feel my entire body stiffen.
JJ shifts, her eyes sharp. “Don’t get too close to him, Carmen. Boys like that see girls as games, and that’s all.”
A flicker of irritation sparks in my chest. “You don’t even know him for you to say that.”
“I know enough.”
“Yeah?”
“He’s going to play you, Carmen, and I’m just trying to look out for you.” she huffs.
I cross my arms. “I don’t know what happened between you and Felix at that stupid party but that’s not going to happen with every girl,” I scoff.
JJ’s jaw tightens. She doesn’t say anything, but I see it-that flicker of hurt in her eyes before she schools her face into something unreadable.
“Those boys are boys. They’re stupid and immature, if you can’t see that then-“
“Then what?” I cut her off. “Naive? Also stupid and immature? God- JJ, he’s just a friend, he’s fun to hangout with, and he makes me laugh. I don’t need you to act like my mum, okay?”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
A part of me knows I should feel bad, that maybe I pushed a little too far. But I also know I’m not some fragile thing that needs protecting. I’m not a kid. I also know that she hasn’t even had a proper conversation with Aaron, she doesn’t know him. All she knows is what people are saying about him.
Aly clears her throat, obviously sensing the tension. “The pizza’s should go in the oven now so let’s go watch a movie. White Chicks maybe?” she suggests, her voice too chipper, too fake.
I don’t even wait for a response. “I’m gonna use the bathroom,” I mutter, already walking away.
The second I step into the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and brace my hands on the cold marble sink. My heart is beating too fast, too hard, like it’s trying to climb up my throat. My skin feels hot, but my fingers are freezing. I can still hear them in the kitchen, their laughter a little forced now, like they’re trying to shake off the conversation we just had. Like I’m the one who brought a storm into a perfectly fine night.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Why did I snap at JJ like that? I shouldn’t have said what I said about Felix. It wasn’t fair. I know something happened between them, and I know she doesn’t talk about it for a reason.
JJ’s my best friend-I don’t want to hurt her. But the way she looked at me, the way she spoke like I was some clueless idiot who couldn’t handle herself… It made my blood boil. I hate when people act like I’m fragile. Like I don’t know what I’m doing.
I know exactly what I’m doing.
And Aaron-Connie-isn’t some reckless, dickhead player like they think he is. He’s not.
Or at least… he hasn’t been to me.
I exhale, opening my eyes and meeting my reflection. My face is flushed, my lips pressed into a thin line. My nails tap against the cool marble, a rhythm that does nothing to ease the restlessness curling in my chest. I don’t want to ruin tonight. I can’t.
Tonight is supposed to be fun. Just me, JJ, Val, and Aly. No football, no complicated boys, no fights. Just us making stupid heart-shaped pizzas and laughing over whatever dumb thing Val says next.
But I already feel it creeping in. That tight, squeezing pressure in my chest. That familiar, unwelcome feeling like my own skin is too tight, like something bad is about to happen even though nothing is actually wrong.
I won’t let it win. But I don’t have any pills with me, not this time. I didn’t think I would need it.
It’s okay.
I don’t… right?
It’s fine, I can deal with the rest of the night by myself. I can do this because there’s no way I’m going to ruin tonight.
I won’t.
By the time I walk back into the kitchen, I’ve got a smile plastered on my face, like nothing ever happened.
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