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HAVE I BEEN AVOIDING HIM? Yes.
Has it been two weeks? Yes.
Does he deserve it? Yes.
So do I care? No.
But every time we walk past each other in the halls, his eyes just happen to lock with mine. I hate it.
I don’t know what I was expecting anyways. I’ve heard all the stuff about him. How he’s a hot-headed guy who gets into fights and got suspended more than three times last year in his old school. How he never had a girlfriend and just makes out with girls, no strings attached.
I’m not one to believe rumours but the way he talked to me kind of just shows me the guy he is.
I mean Felix doesn’t like him either. They’ve fought. Physically. Many times.
Okay, whatever. I have no idea why this is in my mind when I’m about to get my Further Maths test back. I’ve been studying really hard for the past few days for this.
I’ve been using JJ’s book since I don’t have my book though, since a specific someone made me drop in mud, then stole it from me and still haven’t given it back.
I would ask him for it back since it’s been weeks but I don’t want to talk to him. I’m not really trying to get told, “piss off,” like last time I went up to him. It was embarrassing.
Like he was trying to make a fool out of me for being a decent person and asking if he’s alright. I don’t even know why I did that. I barely knew the guy and yet I still felt the need to go and check up on him.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I wish someone would check up on me.
I let out a quiet scoff. I just told myself to stop thinking about him and there he is, invading my mind once again like the prick he is.
“Alright, listen up,” my teacher, Mrs. Wright, calls out. “You will be receiving your test no.1 back today. If you got a bad grade, don’t worry. You have the rest of the year to make up for it.”
Her eyes met with mine for the last part. Yep. She just confirmed it for me.
Row by row, she hands out the tests and when she gets to me, I let out a deep breath. “Almost there, Carmen,” she says, giving me a weak smile before continuing down the row.
I flip the page over and I let out a groan once I see my grade. 45%. Yes, I didn’t fail but it’s still terrible and I’m not happy about it especially when I studied for hours.
Now I’m really reconsidering if I want to take this for my A-Levels next year. I want to go into Psychology so do I really need maths? It’s stupid and annoying. And honestly, how did people even come up with this? It seems fake.
“How did you do?” I hear JJ ask me.
Everyone always asks how I did on the test, not what the test did to me. Its brutal. Turning around, I give her a sigh. “The usual. You?”
“84,” she tells me and a smile makes its way onto my face.
“That’s good!” I exclaim.
An eighty-four in this class is basically a full 100. The thing is with JJ, she’s naturally smart. Well, at least in mathematics and stuff like that. If she actually studied? which she told me she didn’t, she would have easily gotten in the nineties.
The bell rings, indicating that this hell of a class is over. Finally. I pack up my stuff and head out the room with JJ.
“So is your dad back?” I ask.
“Nope but he’s coming back soon,” she sighs. “That’s why I’ve been getting my assignments done. If he talks to the teachers and finds out I’m missing them, he’d be pissed.”
“Mine too,” I say, letting out a chuckle.
Looking up, my eyes meet a pair of green ones. My smile falters as his lips curl up. He’s walking with Jack and Hassan, they’re talking to him while he’s staring at me instead.
As we walk past each other, his hand brushes over mine, almost like he did it purposely, and it sends shivers down my spine.
“What’s his problem,” JJ mutters under her breath and my shoulders shrug in response. No bloody idea.
“Anyways, can you come over later today?”
Yes. One million times yes if that means I get to be away from my house. Plus, I get to hang out with my best friend.
“Is that seriously a question?” I laugh as I unlock my lock but my face immediately drops once I see what’s inside of it. I quickly step in front of it, hiding the view from JJ.
“You good, Carmen?”
“Yeah,” I breathe out, packing the pill bottle back into the black bag. Shit. I didn’t mean to just leave it out like that.
It’s okay. She didn’t see anything. She doesn’t know anything. No one does and no one will. It’s okay.
What’s not okay though is that it’s almost empty. Only a few pills left. What am I going to do?
I need them.
I can’t go a few days without them and I know that sounds stupid considering there are many people going through a lot worse than me. But they help me feel better. Feel at peace. And that’s what I need.
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