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5 MONTHS LATER-
It feels like my mind isn’t working properly today. Sometimes, I just wish I could somehow transfer all the information from my books directly into my mind.
I know how to study, but when people make it sound so easy, it hurts.
Yesterday, some relatives came over and acted like studying was the simplest thing in the world.
They asked about my studies, and their words are like-“You just need to study, what’s the big deal?”
They don’t understand it is not simple as it looks like, not just to study, but to actually retain everything and remember it when the time comes.
They think studying is my only job, and I’m expected to do it perfectly.
I thought my dad would definitely side with my relatives, but instead, he defended me in front of them by listing all my achievements. It was indeed a proud moment for me.
I noticed something different about him lately.
We don’t talk as much anymore-just a few words here and there during dinner, but majority of times he’s busy with his hospital visits.
Sometimes I feel like I have the power to stop time.
I can’t believe I’m already halfway through 12th grade with only a few months left before my final exams and entrance exams.
It’s overwhelming and it makes me nervous.
I was up all night, trying to catch up on my chapters, and now it’s 5:20 a.m.
I haven’t slept at all, and strangely, I don’t feel sleepy.
Why? Kyuki neend hamesha galat time par aati hain.
(Because sleep always comes at the wrong time)
I walked out onto the balcony, lost in thought, and I couldn’t help but glance over at his balcony.
A wave of sadness hit me.
I miss him.
I don’t know what happened to him?
Why is he being so distant?
At first, I thought it was because of the pressure of our 11th-grade final exams. Maybe he needed space to focus on his exams, and I understood that.
But after the exams, I had to go to Mumbai because of my Dadu as his health issues became serious.
My whole family went there to take care of him. Dad wasn’t in a good state, and Mom was doing everything she could to support him.
Dadu had heart surgery, and since he’s the most important person in my life, I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. He has always been there for me since childhood.
I had already submitted a leave application to school, and when Dadu’s condition improved, we returned to Delhi.
But by then, Vihaan had left for a month-long sports tournament. So, we hadn’t seen each other in three months.
When it came to calling him, it looked like we both forgot to use calling technology.
I didn’t have the courage to call him first, but I missed him a lot.
I hadn’t seen him for so long.
One day, I finally gathered the courage and called him, but he didn’t answer.
I thought maybe he was busy, and I wasn’t upset because I assumed there was a reason for it. But he never called back.
When he came back, I thought everything would go back to normal, but maybe I was wrong.
Where did everything go wrong between us?
It’s been three weeks since he came back and our school re-opened after summer vacations.
But something felt empty.
He talks with me but our conversation started by me and ended by his nod, as if he forgot how to speak.
I miss his blabbering.
We walk together to school every day but silence is all present.
And his silence is killing me from inside.
He doesn’t even come to his balcony anymore.
I remember the annual day performance so clearly.
I was waiting for him, hoping he’d come, but he never showed up. Yash and Sid tried to find him, but no one knew where he was, and I ended up not performing.
It wasn’t just nervousness-it was my anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety issues since childhood, and I thought I had healed from it, especially after meeting Vihaan. But now, it’s back, and sometimes i feel i can’t breathe. Overthinking always leads me to severe anxiety issues.
About this, only my brother knows, i haven’t told anyone not even my mumma and papa.
At that time Ragini ma’am understood me, and I’m grateful for that.
But since then, I haven’t touched my guitar again. I couldn’t bring myself.
I kept looking at his balcony, hoping he would come out. But maybe I am wishing too much.
I’m trying to give him space, because I know something is holding him back.
I trust him, and I believe I’ll understand what’s going on eventually.
But for now, it hurts.
I just wish things were the way they used to be between us.
β’β’β’β’β’
I entered the classroom early, knowing I had to visit the library to pick up some previous years’ question books.
I left my bag in the classroom and took my library card before heading to the library.
As I was searching for the book, I finally found it.
But the moment my hand touched the book, I felt someone pulling it from the other side. My fingers brushed against those fingers sending a shiver through my body, and I immediately recognized his touch.
I quickly withdrew my hand, and as he moved the book aside.
His dark brown eyes met mine.
But his eyes hold emptiness.
For a moment, I felt nervous under his gaze.
“Vihaan”, I murmured under my breath as I looked at him.
He hesitated and then said, “You can take it.”
I quickly grabbed the book and walked to him as I smiled at him nervously.
“No problem, you can take it. I’ll read it later,” I said, stuttering a bit.
He protested, “No, you can take it.”
I insisted and hand over the book in his hands, “Just take it.”
Reluctantly, he took the book from me, nodding.
We still had an hour left before class, so we sat together, or more accurately, I followed him and sat next to him.
He started solving questions, and I did my revision, but I couldn’t focus.
My mind kept drifting toward him.
I missed his cheerful side, the one that was full of sunshine, not this grumpy version.
The entire hour, he didn’t say a word. When he finished packing his bag, he glanced at me and silently signaled me to pack my things as well.
But I was lost in thought and invoilatrily muttered, “Gussa ho mujhse?”
He frowned and sighed, then sat next to me.
“Me kabhi tumse gussa ho sakta hu,” he said, giving me a half-smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
I could tell when his smile was real or forced, and this one was definitely forced.
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to push him further.
In class, I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
I deliberately sat in the row next to his.
“Did something happen between you two?” Vani asked, noticing my distracted state.
I sighed, my shoulders slumping, “I don’t know what’s going on. There’s something bothering him, and I feel like he’s pushing away from him. He doesn’t even talk to me anymore.”
Tanya raised an eyebrow and gave me a knowing look, “You should talk to him. You can’t just expect things to fix themselves without talking.”
“I know,” I replied.
Vani added, “If you think something’s hurting him, just communicate. You guys need to talk about it. If you keep ignoring it, it’s only going to get worse.”
“I will,” I said, trying to convince myself.
“Why don’t we go for a hangout? We can invite Vihaan, Yash, and Siddharth too. It’ll give you a chance to talk to him without all the awkwardness of school,” Vani said.
I thought about it for a moment. “Maybe I can do that,” I said, trying to sound more hopeful than I felt.
β’β’β’β’β’
At recess, I went over to him. He was sitting quietly, and I signaled to Yash and Siddharth to sit at another bench.
They smiled and understood.
I took a deep breath and walked over to him.
“Hi,” I greeted him cheerfully.
“Hi,” He looked up faintly and replied.
“Vihaan,” i called him as I saw his hands stopped for a moment as he was writing, he took a deep breath closed his eyes and then hummed.
“Actually we’re planning to go for a hangout, Vani’s idea. Yash and Siddharth are coming too. Would you like to join us?” I asked, my voice wavering a bit.
He looked at me for a moment, then shook his head, “No, I’m busy. I need to finish my syllabus.”
I tried again, “Just for an hour?”
“No,” he replied, his voice firm.
I felt a pang of hurt but quickly hid it behind a smile.
“Half an hour would be also okay?” I asked hoping he would agree.
“No”
“Vihaan 10 minutes……”
“Ruhanika,” he looked at me as he said my name I felt a sharp pain in my chest.
He called me Ruhanika.
“Sorry for disturbing you,” I said as my voice choked.
As I walked back to my seat, my hands and legs started shaking. The tears were threatening to spill, but I fought them back.
I didn’t understand why I felt so upset.
It hurt so much when he called me by my name.
When did I become Ruhanika from Ruh?
Did he hate me? Did he find me annoying? My anxiety kicked in, and I could hardly breathe.
I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths and drinking some water, but my heart still ached.
I wanted to go home, to escape the pain in my chest.
I asked the teacher for permission to go to the washroom, hoping to calm down.
In the washroom, I washed my face with cold water, but the tears betrayed me and started falling.
I quickly wiped them away, but it didn’t help.
I was his Ruh, right?
A sad chuckle escaped my lips as I realized that the moment of ‘was’ had passed.
β’β’β’β’β’
When I got home, I collapsed into bed. Sleep took over me immediately, but my mind was still filled with thoughts of him.
I changed out of my uniform as I slept with my uniform and threw it in the washing machine.
As I went to have dinner, my steps halted as I slowly walked to the balcony as I glanced to see if Vihaan was there, but his balcony was empty.
I sighed and went back to my table.
Overthinking started to consume me.
I realized that the distance between us had made me realize just how much I wanted him to be a part of my life.
But did he even think about me? But maybe I am not good enough for him?
I sat in the living room after dinner, feeling the anxiety take over.
My heart was heavy with questions that I didn’t know how to answer.
I had to talk to him.
I had to tell him how I felt, or else how would he ever know?
But what if I ruined everything? What if he didn’t want to be around me anymore? What if he thought I was too much to handle?
Those thoughts making me crazy, I feel like my head will burst, the tears which were holding betrayed me as I burst out crying.
Suddenly, I heard Bhai’s voice. He had come downstairs and saw me sitting there crying.
“Ruhii baccha tell me what happened?” he asked gently, sitting beside me.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I broke down and hugged him tightly. The tears started to flow freely.
“Tell me, Bachha, what’s wrong?” Bhai asked, rubbing my back to comfort me.
I hiccuped, trying to control my breathing, “Kuch nhi bas accha nhi lag rha hai?”
“Ruhii, please calm down tell your bhai what happened,” he asked gently stroking my hair.
“I feel like I’m not good enough,” I whispered, my voice trembling.
Bhai pulled back slightly, his expression worried, “Who told you that?” he asked firmly.
I stayed silent, unable to explain.
He thought for a moment, then said, “You are more than good enough. Don’t ever doubt yourself, Ruhii.”
I wiped my tears, but it didn’t stop the ache inside.
“But why does it feel like no one wants to be around me? Why do people always pushed me away from them, even when I try to get closer?”
Bhai’s eyes softened. He reached out and held my hand gently.
“People always don’t push away from them because you’re not good enough. Maybe they’re just dealing with their own stuff, and they don’t know how to share it with you. But that doesn’t mean you’re not enough.”
“But…what if it’s me?” I asked quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.
“What if I’m the problem?”
He shook his head, his expression firm, “No, Ruhii. You’re not the problem. And if someone is always being close to you but now is being distant, then try to understand them, give them little space. You deserve to be loved, cared for, and understood. And in the same way, other person also deserves to be loved, cared for and understood.”
I asked, “Bhai, what if someone is being distant, and you don’t want them to be? What if you want to bring them closer?”
Bhai thought for a moment before answering, “Hold on to them. Don’t let them go.”
“What if they don’t want to stay with me?” I asked, feeling nervous.
Bhai turned to me with a reassuring smile, “How will you know unless you tell them how you feel? Don’t leave things unsaid which need to be said, Ruhii.”
“Sometimes, people are going through their own issues and dealing with their own problems. They might need some time alone to think things through. When people act based only on their feelings and think from their heart, they don’t always think clearly, which can lead to misunderstandings, insecurities, overthinking.”
“If you really care about someone, you need to step in and help clear up the confusion. Show them that they matter to you. Just hold their hand, and make them feel important and loved. It’s important to be patient and understanding, so they know you’re there for them, make them feel loved.”
I sniffed, wiping my eyes, “What if I’ve already ruined things? What if I can’t fix this?”
He smiled softly, wiping my tears, “The first step to fixing anything is communication. If you feel something is wrong, talk to the person. Don’t let silence build a wall between you.”
Bhai looked at me, his expression full of understanding, “Ruhii, You’ll never know unless you try. You won’t lose anything by telling that perosn how you feel. You deserve to have your feelings heard too.”
I nodded, taking a deep breath.
Then he grabbed his car keys, “Come on, let’s go for a drive. Ice cream always helps clear the mind.”
I took a deep breath, knowing that I had to talk to Vihaan.
I couldn’t let this go without addressing it. I would speak up, clear things up, and find out if he still cared for me the way I cared for him.
Fine.
I will tell him about my feelings.
I don’t care if he rejects me, but I won’t hold back my feelings.
I will tell him how much he matters to me.
β’β’β’β’β’
MORNING TIME-
I sat there at breakfast, barely able to keep my eyes open. I hadn’t slept much and could feel the exhaustion weighing down on me. My mom was on the phone, while my dad and brother were silently waiting for her to finish.
When she hung up, she smiled at us and said, “Adhya invited us for dinner tonight.”
My brother frowned, asking, “Oh, is there a special occasion?”
“Yes, it’s Vihaan’s birthday,” she replied.
The spoon in my hand froze. Vihaan’s birthday?
It was already morning, and everyone wished him, but I hadn’t known. It’s his birthday today, and I didn’t even know about it until this morning. I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t know.
Why hadn’t he told me? Was I really that unimportant to him? I felt a strange knot tighten in my chest. Why didn’t he tell me? Maybe I’m just overthinking.
But deep down, something in me felt like it was. Stop it, Ruhii. I just wish him. But it still hurts.
I forced myself to text him- Happy Birthday, Vihaan. My heart raced as I pressed send, but even as the message was sent, I still felt this aching emptiness inside but the moment I saw the message i unsend it.
My mom’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Ruhii, you’ll come with me to buy a gift for Vihaan,” she said as I nodded, though my mind was still filled with his thoughts.
What could I get him? What would make it special?
After breakfast, I walked back to my room, my head swirling with thoughts. Vihaan never really seemed to have a particular interest in anything, except gaming. But the problem was, I didn’t know anything about games. I guess I could try to learn.
I just want to give him something that shows how much he matters.
I paced back and forth, overthinking, trying to figure out what would make a good gift.
Just then, my phone buzzed, pulling me out of my spinning thoughts. It was Varun.
I answered, trying to sound normal even though my chest felt tight. “Hello?”
“Hey, Ruhii. How’s everything?” Varun’s voice was light, but I could tell he was paying attention.
“Hii,” I replied, trying to keep it together.
Varun paused, then said, “I’m leaving today, by the way.”
I blinked, surprised, “Wait, what? I thought you were leaving in two weeks.”
He sighed. “I had to sort out some things for the dorm and paperwork. I’m leaving today, actually.”
“When is your flight? So that I can come to see you off,” i asked.
“Tonight,” he said.
“Don’t worry about me. Besides I know it’s Vihaan’s birthday, so definitely you would be spending time with him,” he teased me and narrowed my eyes at hi.
“I’ll call you before my flight takes off,” he told me and I nodded.
I felt this strange mix of emotions-sadness, “Okay. Take care of yourself, Varun. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” he replied.
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said.
As the call ended, I sat there, feeling a swirl of emotions.
But I needed help, so I decided to call the one person who always knew what to do-my dadu, who shifted to his village.
I video called him, and there he was, sitting in his farm area, eating fresh litchis. The sight made me miss the farm, especially the swing where we used to spend so much time together.
“Hello, dadu! How are you? Did you take your medicine? Are your wounds still bothering you?” I blurted out, worried about him.
“Ruhii, baccha, calm down. I’m fine. See, I’m eating fresh litchis here,” he chuckled, showing me his farm.
“Dadu, you’re eating fresh litchis? I also want to have them!” I smiled as I looked at those litchi.
“Don’t worry, I’ll send some to your place,” he said with a grin, making me feel better.
I took a deep breath. “Dadu, it’s my friend’s birthday today, and I’m not sure what to get him. I want to give my friend something special, but I don’t know what.”
“Hmm, something special,” he mused, and I could hear him smiling through the phone.
“Dadu, that’s exactly why I’m asking you. Everyone else will buy my friend gifts, and I want mine to be different. I want it to mean something,” I explained, frustration creeping into my voice.
He listened carefully, nodding.
“Dadu, I want to give him something special,” I said, my mind racing as I tried to figure out what I could possibly give Vihaan.
“Him?” Dadu raised his eyebrows, sensing something more than just a simple gift exchange.
I froze, realizing my slip-up. My cheeks instantly flushed with warmth. Why did I say that?
“Ahnn,” Dadu smiled knowingly.
“Then you definitely have to give him something special, something that he will remember and cherish forever.” His words made my heart race even more, and I nodded shyly, feeling both embarrassed and grateful for his understanding.
“Dadu, but what should I give him?” I asked, my mind still whirling with confusion.
“Why don’t you give him something that will always remind him of you?” Dadu suggested gently. “Something that captures your moments together, something that comes from your heart. It doesn’t matter what form it takes, as long as it’s something personal. Pour your soul into it, something that he can hold onto and cherish forever.”
His words struck a chord in me, and I felt a wave of clarity wash over me. I understand now. I know what I have to do now.
“Just like how I still cherish your dadi’s letter,” Dadu continued, his voice soft and full of love. “She gave it to me for the first time, and I still hold it dear. It’s been years, but I still read it sometimes even after she leaves me alone in this world,” he said as he looked at the tree, which were planted by my dadi and that tree is still growing and is evidence of their pure love.
I smiled, thinking of how sweet and enduring their love had been. It was such a simple, yet powerful thing-a letter that had stayed with him all this time.
The thought of something so meaningful made me feel like I could do the same for Vihaan.
I thanked my dadu, my heart swelling with a new sense of purpose. I needed to make something personal, something that would truly show Vihaan how much he meant to me.
As Dadu had said, the form didn’t matter-it had to come from my heart.
So, I decided that words would be my gift.
I would pour my feelings into it, and make sure he knew everything I had kept inside. This was the perfect way to express everything I couldn’t say out loud.
Tonight, I would clear everything up. I would tell him the truth, and I would make sure he knew how much he meant to me.
Because I couldn’t afford to lose him, not now, not ever.
For me, it was always him, and it will be him only. No one else holds the same place in my heart, like him.
————————————
Finally Chapter 41….!!!
So how was the chapter ?
Huff my Ruhii really love Vihaanπ€§
About Varun I think you understood alreadyπ
Remember communication is always the key to any relationship !
Sometimes, our overthinking and insecurities make us shut our hearts off. It’s better to face our feelings than let them control us.
Many of you might not fully understand Vihaan’s side of things, but it’s important to think from his perspective. If I were in Vihaan’s place and saw the person I love confessing to someone else, even if it was a misunderstanding, I would feel hurt and would probably vanish away from his life. And still they are in their teenage phase, they are still in their learning phase.
And i know it’s a little boring chapter but it was necessary and mene last chapter me thoda sa depressed kr dia sabko toh I’ll update two chapters πππ»
Now your work is do a lot of comments and Votes.
Enjoy Reading β₯οΈ
Stay Tuned for further updates….!!!
Bye Cutiepies…!!π
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