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“These better be some good drugs doc…”
fate of the stars | ella
____
It’s a weird feeling, being both awake and asleep. That state of consciousness when you’re aware of the world around you yet you just can’t seem to move yet, to open your eyes.
Lying in the darkness with the beep of a machine the only noise of the world accompanying you isn’t pleasant.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
It’s almost enough to make you wish you were dead just to get rid of the irritating noise.
Beep.
Beep.
Be-
A door opening sounded, and I heard footsteps as people came in.
“She’s waking up, she can probably hear you, but isn’t able to respond until her entire body wakes up.”
Yup.
That’s exactly right.
“I’ll give you a minute with her son.” I heard a voice. Wait. That’s dad! Hey, son? Wha-
“Hey, Ells… You ummm… You gave me a big scare you know that… You probably can’t hear me right now but seriously don’t do that again. I cried so much that I think I’m dehydrated. God, I hope you can’t hear me now, you don’t need to know how much of a baby I was… So, I hope you’re having a good sleep. Yeah. Sleep is good…” he went on and I felt my face beginning to move into a small smile, feeling now coming into my arms.
I lifted the lids of my eyes slowly letting the white light infect my vision. “Hey, Jake…” I said softly, causing his head to whip towards my face, and all tension left, his facing morphing with relief.
“Els? Oh, thank God.” He breathed hugging me.
Well trying.
It’s hard to hug someone who can’t really move much. Kind of a one-way street.
But hey. He tried.
“I thought you where gone…” He said looking back up and I could see tears clouding his eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry, I’m still here they haven’t gotten me yet,” I said with an even bigger smile, feeling coming back into the rest of my body allowing me to try to sit up.
Keyword.
Try.
Upon seeing my struggle Jake helped lift me into a sitting position and helped fix pillows behind me.
“El’s they asked me about the surgery…”
“I thought they would. What did you say?” I asked softly.
“What you told me to say, to give it ago…”
“Jake.” I breathed looking down at the boy who was kneeling on the ground beside me. The boy that gave me everything I wanted.
The boy that I loved.
“I-I’m going to do it… I’m going to do the surgery.”
“Wait. Ella, you woke up you’re fi-“
“Don’t say I’m fine Jake. I’m not. I know that. I-” Tears started coming down my face. “My times nearly up Jake, I can feel it, I know. And I think it would be stupid to not give it ago at this point. What they said, about another month or two. It’s not true Jake, I can feel it. Even if I didn’t try the surgery. I don’t have that long Jake, I’m sorry, and I-I don’t think I have enough to fight anymore…” I went off looking down at Jake who was now looking furiously at me.
“No. No, you can’t say that Ella. You told me to fight and what now you’re giving up? Are you serious? I-I’m the one who’s going to be left behind. Me. H-How cou- arggghhh!” He yelled pulling at his hair.
“Jake. Look at me, please. Look at me.” I said and he looked up. “Look at me,” I whispered. “I can’t do this anymore, sit here waiting to die, it hurts. It hurts so much and you have no idea. It hurts seeing people give away chances because they have all the time in the world, it hurts to watch people take things for granted. It hurts because they have everything I want, everything I will never have.” I sobbed. “But you want to know what hurts the most? The fact that I have to leave you and I only just found you. I-I won’t get to graduate or have kids. I won’t get it. But you know what? That’s okay. That’s okay with me as long as I know, as long as you promise me, Jake, to be happy. If you’re not happy then it’s all for nothing…” I gulped trying to soothe my throat that was raw from my cries.
“This surgery. It’s my last chance to fight. Not doing it is giving up, and I know I said I would fight… This is my way of doing it, please accept that.”
“I do. I do.” Jake whispered tears falling down his face, leaning forward to press his lips to mine.
To possibly say goodbye.
Our tears mixed on our lips and as we kissed, as we embraced fate with welcoming arms.
“I love you El’s,” Jake said as we broke apart, his forehead pressed flush against mine
“I love you, Jake.”
___
“Hey, Ellaphant,”
“Hey Dad,” I breathed as he entered the room, Jake just had left.
“You’ve decided then?” He said looking down at his feet, walking over to me.
“Yeah, I’m going to do it, dad.”
“I thought so… I’m with you El, always kay?” He said holding his pinkie out to me.
Grabbing it and locking it with mine I looked into his glassy eyes, “Always,” I smiled softly, and the tears ran down his face. The strongest man I ever knew, crying at my feet. “Hey, hey don’t cry. It’s going to be fine dad, no matter what. It’s going to be okay, you hear me? You carry on you understand? Live your life, hell! Find love again dad it’s out there, don’t waste your time at work. I love you, and it’s okay. I-If I don’t make it at least I’ll be with mum right?” I said smiling.
“Yeah, sweetie. You’ll see her.”
“Good now pull yourself together. Doctors said they’re ready to get this underway as soon as possible, go get Jake, Chucks, Mads and Aldine and let’s do this together, yeah?”
“Yeah.” He said pressing a kiss to my forehead leaving the room, Doc now coming in.
“You’re a good kid you know that? Never, in all my time have I met someone so good and so strong. You’re going to make it through this okay?”
“Yup,” I said trying to act confident. “Now how are we doing this?”
“Simple I’ll put this in your bag, grab everyone that’s waiting and bring them in, and you’ll slowly fall asleep. Once you’re out we’ll take you under, kay?”
I nodded.
“These better be some good drugs Doc, I don’t wanna feel a thing.”
“Oh trust me, they’re fantastic, could knock the hulk out for days,”
“That’s what I like to hear,” I said with a smile, and he added the liquid to the bag, before heading to the door. “Thanks for everything Doc.”
“No. Thank you, Ella.” He said with a smile as he called everyone in.
As they all came in and settled near me, Chucks on my lap cuddling close, I spoke. “You all look gloomy, you would think someone’s dying,” I said causing them to chuckle.
“Right to the very end hey El’s?” Mads said with a smile.
“You know it,”
“So do you know how long this is going to take?” Dad asked.
“Probably not lonnnngggg. I can already feel it, Do wasn’t lying this really is good shit.”
“Ella!” Dad said.
“Oh, whatever…” I mumbled, the anaesthesia finally taking its toll. I felt my eyes dropping and warm hands grab both of mine.
“I love you Ell’s,” I heard Jake say and a joint purr from Chucks as the blackness took hold, and I fell into the world of stars.
___
I was legit balling my eyes out while writing this and my mum was asking me if I was okay and I was like ‘you won’t understand’ and she was just ‘books?’ and I nodded.
WHHYYYYYYYY.
I’m sorry for the feels. but what can you do.
There was bound to be feels anyways as the book being to come to a wrap.
But it’s not over yet so bear with me my friends.
I love you all so so much and I’m really emotional rn so bye y’all. Love you fam.
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