Array
(
[text] =>
Notes is past two years old now this is crazy
I got impatient and uploaded this early anyways early merry christmas to everyone and tysm for reading my silly little stories 😋🫃
Btw this continues the side story of past life thing
Dont come at me after this chap i promise fluff is coming
[ ☁︎ ]
Notes for us in another life
☁︎☁︎☁︎
“The curtains will draw and exhibit our flaws. But for you, I will play the fool on this empty stage.”
–
xxxx, xx xx
Good morning!! Or evening? It should be around morning in Sumeru by the time the letter reached you. I’m writing this letter as my cicin mages are trying to catch the cryo cicins that escaped their lantern. If my other coworkers saw I’d be the laughingstock amongst noble lady’s mouths for the next while..
Matters in Snezhaya has been as of usual. The Captain has departed for Natlan, and the Fair Lady’s memorial ceremony has concluded on an omnipresent note. Contrary to my thoughts, no one really grieved her. But I suppose Lady Signora wasn’t one for friendly social relations. Most of her subordinates were distributed to other’s units— it was a busy week greeting all the ones that were moved under mine. Still, rather heartless I dare to say. Only half a day of the nation’s grief to someone who spent hundreds of years in the organization.
Other than that, I do hear wind of many subordinates whispering about the absence of the Balladeer. Some say he was promoted to an even higher title, and there are even some.. Rather absurd rumours it would be best to not disclose over paper. I spread word that you have left for another expedition to the Abyss, so matters have settled down for the most part.
The boring parts are over !! How have you been? Is it hot in Sumeru? Oh, I heard my friend talking about a dancer named Nilou— did you see her??? I’ve always wanted to visit Sumeru, it would be a nice change of scene to finally see a blade of grass than the snowy desert I see every day.
Also— this is random but did you know that I had a cat before I joined the Fatui? I saw a stray kitty the other day and he reminded me of him. He slept half of the day and I used to panic thinking he was dead.
Love you ~ (I won’t read your next letter unless you say it back the first thing on the page)
Signed in the name of her majesty the Tsaritsa,
Scapino— Major Commander L/n.
–
Pale fingertips loosely holding onto the paper, the eccentric read over the paper with an unreadable gaze in his eyes. His attention lingered on the bubbly signature that signed off the bottom of the letter elegantly. Oddly enough, he did indeed feel that he had seen this style of writing somewhere— yet it felt unfamiliar at the same time. He squinted his eyes and scanned over the name again. L/n sounded more like a surname rather than a first name, still not ringing any bells.
“Sorry, I don’t think I recognize the name nor the writing. It feels more like I’m reading at a letter meant to be to someone else much more dear to the person.” He apologetically looked up from the paper. The girl with golden yellow hair looked almost a little distraught, placing a hand on her chin. Feeling a little bad, he looked over the letter one final time. Although, there was one thing he could note about it. “..Hm.” The nameless wanderer subconsciously placed his free hand on his chest. Where his heart would be placed if he were an anatomically correct human. “Still, I feel strangely hollow while reading this. Would that count?”
The third figure, who he recognized as Lesser lord Kusanali hummed. “This is quite a tricky case.” She commented. “I usually don’t like using this term. But your past would be considered more of a previous incarnation. And this letter is someone who was.. Someone rather precious to you.” The lesser lord worded with a bittersweet note as Paimon placed a comforting hand on Lumine’s back, who was looking down with a sullen gaze. Placing a hand on his nape, he furrowed his brows slightly. “Hm. I see.” A short moment of silence followed.
“Then may I ask, what was I like in this previous incarnation? And who is the owner of the letter, are they in Sumeru too?”
“….”
At the question, an even longer silence followed suit. The white haired floating girl and her companion side glanced at each other, even Nahida turned averted her eyes awkwardly. He looked around to read the room. “Umm…..” Paimon dragged out, the goddess of wisdom clearing her throat. “…Oh. Okay, I see.” He noted. “You want to tell me, but you can’t seem to be able to bring yourself to say it. Looks like I didn’t have the most wonderful existence in my previous incarnation.” The wanderer added.
A moment passed by, the blonde girl who introduced herself as Lumine earlier on settled her hands on her hips. “We’re just thinking of where to start…” She replied. He shook his head. “If it’s that difficult to even talk about, then I have no doubt that it will be just as difficult to hear. But I’ll be able to handle it.” He promised. His entire life, his own past was shrouded like a foggy day with even his origins that of a mystery. These strangers claimed and proved evidence that they knew more than him, and he wasn’t planning on wasting this chance to finally grab the answers to what he wanted most. “Please, tell me the truth.”
At his insistence, Nahida looked straight into his eyes. “Is truth something you care about lot about?” She questioned, which was answered almost right away. “..Yes.”
“Then I will be as straightforward as I can be with you. In your past incarnation, you have committed many deeds that would be considered evil and injust.” His indigo pupils didn’t falter, and listened with a focused expression. She continued on. “You nearly died because of what other people did.. And many died because of you.” Lumine, silently listening on, clenched her fist. “As a non-human, you despised humans and gods alike. You drifted from place to place, never able to settle. Even where you found status and identity.” The shorter female crossed her arms softly.
“Adamantly, you believed you were devoid of a heart.” At her last statement, the eccentric’s gaze unfocused.
“…Actions rooted in persistence often bear bitter fruit. Sometimes, you must let parts of yourself go in order to find happiness.”
Nahida proceeded to tell him about his past. From his days as an abandoned puppet of the Raiden shogun— his attempt on becoming a god, up to his tempering of the Irminsul that led to where they were. His expression remained unreadable throughout the entire time, brows slightly furrowed at some parts. Well, a little suspiciously calm for someone who was told that in their past life, they were a murderer who tried to overthrow the very god who was before him and attempted to erase himself out of existence.
The blonde traveler cast a glance towards him every once in a while, but found hesitance in feeling concern or worry for him. Not with what.. He did. Her eyes that subconsciously softened hardened once more at the memory.
“…..” His gaze averted to the ground. “I seem to have given everything I had, but I barely changed history at all.” He mumbled. “In terms of outcome alone, that would be true.” The white haired goddess agreed. “But one question is still left unanswered.” Head raising up, he expectantly stared at Nahida. “Who was the owner of the letter who you said was once very precious to me?”
“….”
“….”
“….”
“…?”
It felt similar to when he cracked the question about his former incarnation, but triple times worse. The air felt much heavier. “It didn’t seem like I was a very likeable person back then.” It was a statement to say that his guess was rather obvious. The blonde nodded. “We were enemies, in fact.” “I see. I find it surprising that this person would bother sticking around me.”
“….Whether you will be able to handle the next information or not, I doubt this topic is my place to tell.” Nahida cleared her throat. “But to prove everything I’ve just said, I can show you your memories, if that is what you’d like.” She offered calmly with a gesture of her hands. Lumine and Paimon looked skeptical, but the wanderer looked otherwise. Without hesitation, he responded shortly. “Please. I would like to see them for myself. I want to see my own transgressions.”
“—Even if the information will cause your present self great mental anguish?”
“I’m just a puppet.” He answered. “With no heart, and no name to be called by anyone. There is nothing in this world for me to cling on or lose, to fill the void in me.. Except maybe, for these sins of mine that perhaps could never be undone.”
There was a short period of silence. “Very well, as you wish.” Nahida agreed. After looking around for an opportunity to speak, Paimon interrupted. “Wait— shouldn’t we go with him? This is kind of on us for bringing him here in the first place…” The indigo haired male shook his head. “Please do not worry. Whatever danger I may face, it is all my burden to carry.” The reassurance would’ve sounded reassuring if he wasn’t the one saying those words. With a thoughtful gaze, Nahida looked up towards the travelers.
“Lumine, could I ask you to supervise him on my behalf?” At her apologetic smile, Lumine decided to agree last minute. “..Alright.”
For someone in his situation, he was far too calm. But then again, just as he said, he didn’t really have anything to lose.
Nahida closed her eyes and focused. A moment later, the world spun and everything went black before the three began to reawaken their consciousness. When they opened their eyes— they were present in an Inazuman styled building with hazed rays of sunlight streaming through from somewhere, and crimson trees that scattered red maple leaves onto the ground. “This.. Looks like Inazuma?” Paimon looked around curiously.
“This is a dream that I created using information extracted from your memories.” The familiar voice of Sumeru’s archon came from somewhere despite her not being physically present with the three. “These memories will show you nothing but the raw truth, but please be careful. Enemies will react just as they would in the real world.”
“Sounds like an immersive experience.. It’s a good thing we came along for sure.” Lumine’s companion popped in. “…You really don’t need to do this for me. I dont need the protection.” However, his insistence was futile just as he anticipated.
“Wanderer. Where you are now, is the Shakkei Pavilion. In your Balladeer incarnation, this is where the electro archon placed you after your creation. You had a great many memories here.” Nahida continued, the said individual looking around to spot anything familiar. He narrowed his eyes at the falling ruby hues of leaves. “Is that because this is kind of his birthplace??” “You could say that.. In a sense. You’ll see why shortly.” Paimon nodded.
“I hear footsteps.” The wanderer snapped his head.
~
“This place is huge.. I’m certainly surprised the landslide hadn’t filled it in. Perhaps the crystal marrow miners built this.” A young man, no older than thirty walked down the corridors of the pavilion, marvelling at the fine decorations of the area that looked untouched and ancient. But the sheer detailing and material of the building said otherwise.
“..Hm. There’s no way mere miners built this place. Just look at the exquisite construction work. Huh..?” He hummed. “There’s someone… Passed out on the ground?”
A groan followed before a second voice chimed in. “Agh… Who— are you..?” The man jumped in surprise before bending down next to the stranger. “Y— you’re awake! What happened?! How did you get here? Wait, are you injured?” He bent down and checked the stranger in white thoroughly, but not a single scratch was made on his seemingly porcelain skin. Fine silk clothes that had not a single loose thread, and indigo skin near glowing.
Just.. Who was he?
“This man is Katsuragi, deputy to Torachiyo’s adopted son, Mikoshi Nagamasa. He found the Balladeer in Shakkei Pavilion and took him back to Tataratsuna.” A familiar female’s voice provided context in the background. “Sadly, in the original version of events, Katsuragi was ultimately killed by Nagamasa.”
“Let me get you out of here.. Hold up a moment kid, our people are nearby.” Katsuragi stood up from his place and looked around. The wanderer gazed at the figure on the ground. Although his face was covered, his physique and hair was far too familiar to deny it even if he wanted to. “During the Tataratsuna incident, Niwa was murdered by The Doctor— who was disguised as a mechanic. The Balladeer, back then known as the Kabukimono, disappeared not long after. As the second-in-command, the responsibility for the icidents eventually fell down to Mikoshi Nagamasa.”
Lumine observed for the wanderer’s reaction. But he simply stood and stared at the illusions of the people that slowly faded away. “But Katsuragi had sworn lifelong loyalty to Nagamasa after the latter saved his life. At his insistence, Nagamasa killed Katsuragi in an attempt to put an end to the Tataratsuna incident.”
The group began to move, a gloomy feeling in the air between them. “Katsuragi seems like he was a good guy..” Paimon drooped. “He looks like a warrior. But he has a kind face.” The eccentric agreed.
“….Why couldn’t he live a long and happy life?”
~
“Huh…? Why are we back here?” Paimon squawked. After a long path of traveling through the pavilion, facing enemies and listening to the conversations of the illusions created by Nahida that probably felt more like a nightmare to a certain someone at the moment.
~
“Woah.. So this is where you were born? It’s pretty!” They looked around at the sound of a young child’s voice this time. He probably couldn’t be older than ten. “But there’s nobody here— *cough* *cough*” The former Balladeer’s eyes hardened softly at the sound of hacking that followed.
“Just like you, I was once abandoned. I lived here for a while at first but… There is nothing left for us here. We must leave.” Kabukimono’s voice sounded from next to the child who looked around in wonder. Nahida’s power was almost frightening, creating dreams that were this realistic. The child nodded. “I heard that my mom and dad used to make swords. Then the swords factory manager died. He kept coughing all the time, just like me. And then mom started coughing too..”
“But you can’t. You promised me.”
“Yep. We’re going to be family, together forever!”
…..
Turns out, promises were never truly a thing.
“Hey… W—what’s wrong?? SAY SOMETHING!”
The Kabukimono’s crestfallen cries made even the two travelers turn their gaze elsewhere. Wanderer watched, pursing his lips tightly.
“You promised me— you promised me. You promised me that we could be family..!” He shuddered out, clutching onto the lifeless body of the child and shivering as though it was winter. “You’re no different from Niwa and the others.. You betrayed me too. Hah..” Hysterical laughter of agony echoed through his head, as his fingers clenched his forehead.
“The voices have gone. It looks like the memory ends here.” Wanderer finally breathed out.
There on, they saw many things and heard even more. From the fowl trickery of the Fatui laced with the truth not even half covered, to the events of the delusion factory. And to… The Doctor with the artificial god creation. The wanderer looked as if he was looking at a completely different person, and rightfully so.
It took him a while to soak in everything he heard and saw.
They were now in where Lumine assumed to be Snezhaya. She took note of her surroundings for when she would eventually end up there in search for her brother. Snow harshly fell without falter out the stained windows, frostbite crawling up the white walls devoid of impurities. “I saved this part for the last. Wanderer. Are you sure you wish to proceed?” Nahida worriedly asked, this being the third time confirming with him. “I’m completely sure. Please, I wish to see.”
In the distance, a familiar figure stood with a new individual. Lumine’s eyes widened in recognition. “This is Snezhaya, the Zapolyarny palace, or the heart of the Fatui and home of the Tsaritsa.”
“This will be your temporary dorm until further orders, come to me if you happen to lose the keys!” The first figure nearly flinched at how drastically her voice had changed from back in the main hall. She handed him a single metal key around the size of his palm. “Im major commander L/n Y/n at your service. Our training will consist of the prime basics of hand to hand combat, and the learning of ancient Snezhayan. Six days a week, Sunday off. We will probably start tomorrow— oh my manners, what’s your name?”
“….None of your business.”
“Well, it kind of is mine if I’m supposed to follow around and teach you for the next while. Let’s not forget I have maybe an adorable number of over 200 soldiers under my division, so a name might be useful. Don’t know about you, just a thought. Who knows?” The girl spoke out as she raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I stayed away from Inazuma for too long that I began to forget how people think like over there.” She shrugged softly as if she was genuinely speaking of another possibility. The puppet’s eyes slit into two straight lines with annoyance as he sent a glare into her direction. Ignoring the imaginary daggers sent to her direction, the commander only smiled.
“See you tomorrow~”
The young lady in a maroon themed clothing with a captain’s cap and a few badges along her clothing that dangled every once in a while with her airy steps. She looked unbothered by the sharp reactions from the Balladeer’s past incarnation. A rounded ornament with sharp silver edges that reflected the light in a soft shade of crimson was tightened onto her cap. Glowing and ever so bright. As she skipped past them, her illusion faded into the air along with Scaramouche’s.
“..She is the one who trained the Balladeer during his first while in the Fatui— teaching him Snezhayan language to etiquette and basic combat skills. One of the small handful of major commanders of the Fatui, Y/n L/n.” Nahida sounded much more down this time. Wanderer nodded. Hah.. Everyone who looked to be important to him in the past seemed to drop dead at some point in this story. No wonder his previous incarnation tried something so uncertain and stupid. She would probably follow the pattern of the story.
The scenery changed to a snow terrain, a small hill. The booming of fireworks were no distraction from what they were presented with.
White speckles of snow silently fell, much more merciful than the glimpses they had seen from the windows back in the palace scenery.
“—But let us enjoy this pretty lie as long as we can, until we walk our own paths once more.”
With a soft sigh, Y/n caressed the puppet’s icey cheeks. “Would you let me escape this world just for a little longer?” The two figures that stood by the end of the snowy cliff gazed at each other with such fondness in their eyes that even the traveler had to re-check her eyes to make sure that this was the same Balladeer she knew.
Lumine and Paimon blinked as they shared a look. They knew that the two were once lovers before the incident— but… That tender look of fondness and love, it looked alien on him of all people.
With no words, his lips crashed into hers once more, the mistletoe dangling from the sudden movement. He stared at her with a stoic expression with a mist of melancholy behind the violet thundercracks.
“You talk too much for everyone’s own good.”
Wanderer placed a hand of pain over his head, his knees going momentarily weak. Colours and voices swirled around in his head, her face appearing everywhere he saw. Paimon squealed in surprise while Lumine bent down to support some of his weight until he could stand on two feet again.
“After confessing their feelings for one another, the Balladeer and Y/n kept it a secret for as long as they were involved with the Fatui.” Nahida half forced herself to continue on. “…But during his god creation plan, Scaramouche did not inform her of his plans after taking the electro gnosis— afraid something may happen to her should she follow him to Sumeru and get involved with the Doctor. However, Y/n ended up following him to Sumeru eventually.”
“Hmm.. I arrived almost a year too early than when he told me to visit. But I’m sure he won’t mind.” The h/c haired general shrugged as she hopped off the boat, staring at the map before her as she landed on the docks of Port Ormos. “Man— geography is not for me. I’m already holding the map upside down….” She sighed. The wanderer ceased to peel his eyes away from the scene. “There, she met the traveler and eventually got hold of information of what was happening to Sumeru and the Balladeer. She was heartbroken that her own lover would hide such an information from her, and wished to confront him herself.”
The scene changed again. This time, it caused everyone to widen their eyes and freeze on spot.
A gigantic mechanic shell held the commander by her neck, as she dangled in the air helplessly at one of its four huge hands that gripped in place. Wanderer’s eyes shook in the spot. Y/n’s back was turned to them, but she lacked struggling. “…Kunikuzushi. Do you— really not remember me..?” She whispered. Despite her question, her tone told them that she long knew the answer. Due to their distance, the three nearly missed her softly spoken words.
“You dare to believe you have the right to meddle between gods simply because you are no human? With such a ridiculous story in that. Perhaps I should keep you around as a jester for entertainment.” Sharp, poison laced words that were on the opposite sides as the voice they saw from the scenes jusy before this responded to her. Lumine and Paimon turned away, unable to see the scene they had already seen again.
“I will stop that there. The rest does.. Not need to be shown. In the end, The Doctor tempered with the Balladeer’s memories regarding Y/n during the god creation process.” “And then what happened..?”
“The Balladeer killed her during battle.”
~
They were still in the Jorurui workshop where the battle against the Shouki no Kami took place, but the illusions of the mechanic shell was now faded along with the images of everyone else. Wanderer looked dazed, staring at the ground.
According what he saw with his own eyes, he had committed all sorts of inhumane and horrific crimes. Thousands of lives lost due to his selfish efforts towards something that would fill his void of a heart. Countless tortured under his name. Starting war in a nation, working for an organization with no heart left for anything left than their goal.
—To killing his own lover in the already cruel enough existence he lived in.
…Did he truly deserve to live at this point? Perhaps the god of wisdom itself would know.
“You’re a god. The god of wisdom in that. Do you think I’m evil?” He asked in a genuine tone. A bluntly honest yet gentle answer came to his response. “If you accept that he is you, just as you are you, then yes— you are evil.” Her confirmation didn’t seem to hurt him much.
“In your eyes, are there any differences that cross the line between a human and a puppet?”
“Do you believe there are any differences between yourself of the present, previous, and future incarnations? If not, then what are the differences between humans and puppets?” She questioned back instead. The wanderer blankly stared up in thought.
“Whoever has tasted the joys and sorrows of life in the human realm is human. Whoever has loved and lost, cried with grief, howled with rage at the tragedy of death that eclipses the miracle of life… They too, are human.”
“…..”
He closed his eyes. He wanted to feel it all. The sorrow he felt for those who he lost, the bittersweet memories, and the price of longing and grief he would pay and endure for the rest of his immortal existence.
“I have seen enough of my memories. If possible, I would like to reclaim these sins that are mine to bear.” The wanderer confessed firmly. In a sense, he attempted to run away from his problems by simply deleting himself from Irminsul. This time, he was willing to pay the price even if that took an eternity. “This time.. No matter the consequences, I won’t run from blame or punishment. Whatever I am due, let it come to pass.”
“Are you saying….”
He nodded. “Can you return my memories to me?”
Paimon worriedly gulped. “Huh..? Wouldn’t that mean you’ll lose your current identity?”
“Regaining your memories means reverting completely back to your previous incarnation. All the emotions that you have discarded will be returned to you.” Even at the goddess’s warning, the nameless puppet stood his ground just as he did with all of her questions before. Maybe the one thing about him that remained even after his attempt was his stubbornness. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’ve lived with a void in my chest my whole life. My creator didn’t need me, and I’ve been drifting from place to place with nowhere to settle since I woke. But then I met you.” He pursed his lips. “I came to the realization that reclaiming my missing sins might be the one way to become who I am.”
…..
“This is a curse I rightfully brought upon my own self. To search aimlessly, with an eternal void of yearn for something I do not even know of. I know I may not be deserving of it…” Paimon flashed a slightly guilty look towards Lumine. Everyone seemed to hold their breaths for Wanderer’s next statement. “But I beg you. Allow me to face the price of my sins, even if that is my purpose in life. To change my destiny and end my wandering.”
At his determination and unshaken resolve, a glowing green cube-shaped condensation of energy gently floated down from above. It seemed to be primarily constructed of dendro energy with a brimming core glowing inside, around the side of one’s head. “Since your mind is made up, I will now return what is yours.
“You have made your decision, Wanderer.” The cube had descended down to barely two steps away from him. Its green surroundings had dispersed, leaving only the glimmering core and a cloud of glow behind. “Now, take this.”
Cautiously, he reached a hesitant hand out to touch the mysterious object that was supposed to be his memories. All of a sudden, the glow circled his hand before striking straight into his chest. His eyes widened, nonexistent breath getting caught in his chest. The wanderer’s vision flashed back and forth, clenching his hand to dig into his scalp in distress. “Agh….!”
“Set him free?”
The familiar sight of a long purple braid flashed before his eyes, her voice echoing.
“A puppet? What’s he doing here..”
A young man in a straw hat gazed up and met his eyes before flashing away.
“Aagh.. It’s—”
He cried out in agony, even more colours and figures swirling in his mind.
“You’re a human as long as I’m concerned.”
Niwa… The furnace—
“Everyone’s here, wonderful.”
Escher, that wretched doctor…
“What a fine blade… Nagamasa will be thrilled.”
Another young man in a short bun and a built figure smiled down on a newly forged blade, glimmering under the late sunlight.
Unable to withstand it any longer, the puppet fell to his knees and clawed at his head— eyes wide. He gasped breaths of air like a dying man, looking at his hand that was shaking along with his body. The two travelers worriedly looked at him, knowing they could do nothing. This was a battle he had to fight alone.
“But does a heart really decide if someone is worthy or not??”
Her voice echoed in his head.
“Is he alright…?” Paimon mumbled hesitantly, before she cried out in surprise as a massive mechanical hand landed right next to her floating figure. The Shouki no Kami shell they had once defeated has risen up while Wanderer was in the middle of having his breakdown, left vulnerable. Lumine hardened her gaze, her sword being summoned into her unprepared grasp.
Another hand smashed down to where she was standing seconds before. They both dodged to opposite sides, the ground cracked from impact. The traveler leaped up into air once again as shards of cryo formed upon the mechanism’s command. However, no matter how much she could dodge herself, Wanderer was left open. She gritted her teeth despite her intrusive thoughts telling her to leave him be.
Within a few light-speed slashes, the large chunk of ice coming his way was diced up and fell straight to the ground. Paimon quickly flew to his direction and stopped in front of him. “Hey!! Are you done yet?” She yelled urgently, knowing Lumine would not be able to fend this thing off alone. Even last time, they were accompanied by Nahida and Y/n to barely defeat him.
During the short moment they were distracted, the machine began to gather electro energy at its chest. It was too late when Lumine turned around to see beams of bolting purple energy coming towards her way.
~
All worthless dross… Will be purged.
Reaching a hand up to the single glow of light above, he grit his teeth.
—That’s why, this won’t be the end..!
He grasped onto someone else’s hand, that looked strangely familiar. But before he could take a proper look at the person, he felt someone else grasping onto his wrist desperately— clawing at the limb before falling to doom. Stormy indigo eyes stared back into his own.
~
~
~
“You mean… There is truly no way to bring her back?”
“I’m sorry. Fate is not easily reversible, the destiny of one’s life in that. Gods have an impossibly slim chance in doing so, but the Irminsul is not something that should be tempered with.” At her words, W/n pursed his lips and grit his teeth. The large brim of his hat covered his expression with a shadow— but it couldn’t be pleasant at the very least. How would one expect to react after killing their own lover?
He let out a shaky breath. Ever since regaining his memories, he had barely uttered a word. Everyone let him be for a while to process everything. After a while, he confessed that while he was attempting to erase himself from Irminsul, he had tried to bring Y/n back to life. To change her tragic fate of being forgotten and put to eternal slumber by her own lover. To give her a new start and chance, one that never involved him in the first place. But in the end everything was futile. If this was a part of his well deserved karma, then he would be willing to accept it without complaint.
…But why did she have to be affected by his selfishness?
The smaller goddess looked at him with pity. In this world, there was truly no right or wrong. If you turn the paper even slightly to look at it from the person’s angle, everything that had once been flipped upside down to you becomes unveiled. Cruel and unjust, but this was simply the tragedy that eclipsed the miracle of life.
Every memory hammered and etched into his mind that served as an excruciating reminder. Her hand that had callouses that felt so out of place, the cold nipping at them. He remembered everything of her. How the silky moonlight would reflect in her eyes— as if she was trying to drown him. The shining weapons on her hips only provided a glimmer around her. The secret looks they would share when no one was nearby, rarely allowing even a moment of vulnerability due to their surroundings where anyone would use anything to dig out their weaknesses. Her lashes that fluttered like butterflies slowly closing its wings on a dew-ridden flower petal, how even the short puffs of white breaths that escaped her mouth looked like an inviting ray of fresh incense smoke that would surround and tantalize him if he stayed even a moment too near. The sharp words he had to bark to her to make sure nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The disgustingly sweet tea she would gulp down before giving a repulsed look at him and his tea that looked so dark it might as well as be coffee. The jingling of the bell on the restaurant she would always drag him into during his first days in the Fatui, the roaring laughter of the shop owner as the two spoke in a language he did not fully grasp yet. Not a single fibre in her was anything close to as he was. She was someone who would almost sob when seeing a hungry stray cat, but calmly lowered her head in respect at the sacrifice of a subordinate. Someone who made sure no one skipped a meal during break time and checked in with all of her division whenever even one was missing.
In conclusion, she was the closest concept to perfection— no, she was the definition of perfection in his eyes that should’ve been wiped clean with soap and water before even having the right to look at her.
“….Before arriving at the Joruri workshop, she gave me a final request that I only understand at the aftermath.” Nahida closed her eyes. A soft yellow-green hue formed on her palm. He could feel the comforting warmth from where he was standing. “W/n, Y/n asked me to preserve a portion of her consciousness. Just in case something happened, and she couldn’t answer questions that needed to be asked to her regarding the Balladeer. In reality, she knew what was likely to happen.”
His world paused. She.. Knew? She knew that he had forgotten her thanks to the meddling of that wretched madman?
“I wished to ask her so many questions, but I am not the one she saved this for.” She slowly raised the glowing light to his direction. “W/n. Go, and say everything you must to her.”
His finger twitched. He almost reached out to the globe of light that bobbed softly up and down right away, but hesitated. If that was a part of her consciousness…
What would be her reaction in seeing him?
Nahida crossed her arms. “Wanderer. This is your only chance in finding peace regarding her. She wanted for you to do this.” She insisted. He carefully raised his left hand up, as though it was a frail shard of glass that would crack and shatter any second now. A deep breath.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face her— not now.
A smaller hand tenderly took his wrist before pulling him to the light. He could’ve easily pulled away, but chose not to.
Unlike when his memories were being returned to his shell, it didn’t hurt. Not a single bloom of what he recognized as pain of any sort. He had to close his eyes from the blinding light, but everything around him felt warm as though a blanket had been placed over his shoulders. How long had it been— a voice woke him from his trance.
…..
“Kuni.”
That voice.
“I’ve been waiting.”
With no thinking, he nearly tripped on his own feet as he ran to where the blurry figure was standing in. Y/n nearly fell down to the ground as his figure slammed into hers, his arms immediately looping over her back to secure her position. The faint smell of powdery tea and fresh laundry lingering on her skin, it was her. No one else. Not his imagination. It was her. W/n didn’t dare raised his head from the blade of her shoulder. Afraid once he opened his eyes, he would wake from this fleeting dream.
“I was hoping for an ‘I missed you’, or, ‘Where have you been?’, but this works too.” Her teasing voice called out as her hand breezily cupped his pale jawline, raising it up. Their eyes met one another, seeing each other’s reflections in the other’s eyes. Strands that looked like h/c silk that framed her face, it was her.
He tried to speak, but the words drowned in his throat before they reached his tongue. She seemed to understand and simply smiled instead. “Hehe, surprised? I thought lady Nahida would’ve explained everything. But I am a fragment of my original self’s consciousness that I left behind a while back, in Buer’s possession. It looks like I was correct in my calculations.”
“Correct in your calculations— YOU KNEW IT ALL?!” He gripped onto the back of her clothing and shouted. “Why would you do that?? You could’ve just stayed out there! I— I…” His head turned downwards, hands shaking. Y/n held him sadly.
“….I’m sorry.” A near incoherent whisper came. “I’m sorry… You had to endure that— so many times. Please.” He breathed out. For all the loops Nahida had entrapped them in for the battles, she had to die again and again by his hand. He looked up, as the tear he held back until now descended down. “Can’t you take me with you?”
Y/n’s hand fondly held his face, her thumbs wiping the corner of his eyes. He leaned into the familiar touch like a starved animal. “But Kuni, you have so much more to live for. You now have many people who are willing to believe in you— to support you along the way.” She whispered. “You finally earned your second chance, the freedom you always reached out for.” Her gaze proudly landed on the translucent turquoise orb with a dandelion symbol on the centre hung on his left chest. The object had landed amongst the winds that arose around him during the battle with the Shouki no Kami, glowing in the dark flight of debris and foggy dust. But right now, it just felt like a heavy rock.
“Don’t shit with me. Everything is worthless if you’re not here.” He grit his teeth. “Enemies, friends. What worth do I have left to live for when I killed you with my own hands…? What makes me deserving of chances of redemption from my sins?” The puppet’s lips quivered.
She lovingly moved a stray strand of hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear. Her voice, although still soft, had become firm once more to make sure that her words would be clear and understandable. “I want you to listen to me closely. Even if you committed one hundred or a thousand sins, even if you were the origin of all evil that ever existed, I would still love you. This is not a love reserved for the innocent or the pure, but for you. For your every action, for your every thought, for your very existence.” She promised with words unthreaded from the heart, in its truest and purest form.
“Even if I was wiped out of existence, or had to die over and over again with all memories of my past deaths. Made to carry the weight of the mountains or tossed to the bottom of the Primordial sea with a weight tied to my ankle, my confession won’t ever change.”
If he had a heart, would this be the feeling of it aching? Or was it racing.
“No… No, don’t you dare say that. You never had to love someone like me. There are millions of beings on Teyvat. And yet you were blind enough to come for me.” W/n shook his head, his headwear long discarded on the floor during his run to her. Y/n airily laughed in response. “Either way… Kuni, I want you to know that I love you. From the beginning of Teyvat to the end of the hoax people call a sky. Even if you were to burn down Teyvat as a whole…” She trailed off. “—I don’t think I can come to hate you as long as you are in my memory. Haha, maybe this obsession the sin I pay my own prices for.”
He frowned, she smiled. “Come on, you’ll get wrinkles if you frown and pout all day.” Y/n poked fun at him. Her mouth opened to say something, but her unserious smile dropped a little in realization of something. The wanderer also realized what caused her to have her reaction.
“No.” He firmly concluded. “You’re not going. You— you can’t.” Pale e/c irises longingly, yet melancholy-filled, pierced into his own. He hadn’t gotten the chance to say a third of the things he wanted to say to her. She couldn’t just disappear after letting him have a taste of her warmth for perhaps the last time. “…Darling, I’m so, so sorry.” Her soft whisper felt agonizing.
“No— don’t you dare apologize! Please, take me with you..!” He begged desperately, looking up with shaking pupils. His grasp trembled as he could swear the same light that brought him here began to surround them. “Kunikuzushi. You have many awaiting you. They are growing worried.” Y/n reminded him tenderly, a saddened smile painting itself on her lips. “…Please give everyone my final farewells. And don’t be rude to Nahida or the travelers.” She pressed her forehead against his.
Countless tears raced down his cheeks. It felt as if someone was clawing into his chest and digging a hole, before placing a weight that weighed as much as a mountain inside the hole. “…I love you.. I love you dumbass..!” However, his wailing was unheard by the gods. “So please, please. I’ll beg for forgiveness for an eternity if that’s what you want, please don’t leave me again….”
“But dear, I never left you.” She popped in. “My chapter in fate’s story has written the final period. But let us meet, in another book.” Silent drops of water descended her own face despite the smile.
“Kunikuzushi…. Do you think we would love each other just as much as we do now, in another universe?”
“…Eternal times and over.”
“Then let’s love again. Over and over again, in every life and every universe. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”
“You better.”
Her piece of consciousness began to crumple away in beautiful fragments of golden light from her foot. They held one another despite knowing one of their end’s was near.
“I hope in another world.. Everyone can love who they want freely, without the boundaries of fate’s script. Would such a world even exist?”
“You talk too much.”
He gently pressed his lips against hers, feeling her slowly crumple away in his hold. They refused to open their eyes to see the cruel sight before them.
“Let’s not end this with apologies or goodbyes. I’ll be waiting, Kuni. Or should I say.. W/n now?”
“I’ll chase you down to every corners of the worlds either way.”
“Hehe… Until then, darling.”
“….Thank you—”
Just as they shared one last kiss, every remaining fragment of her faded away in glimmering shines of light. “—For everything.” W/n breathed out the rest of the sentence. In the end, he had barely gotten to explain or apologize. But maybe this was her goal in the end.
~
xxxx, xx, xx
Nahida told me to stop sulking and write a letter to you instead.
It’s been two weeks since I met your consciousness fragment. I believed coming clean with you and bidding farewells may ease my mind a little, turns out it made it worse.
In the end, I’m no saint nor do I have any good left in me. But look— I’m trying. I may have not changed anything, but the bitter truth is now unveiled. After finding out what that scumbag of a Doctor did, there is no way I’m returning to the Fatui anytime soon. Not that they’d take me in anyways since I no longer serve use to them. I highly doubt they even remember who the sixth is.
The regret and longing I’m to live with for the next hundreds of years is merely the price for my actions. I’m often tempted to write that period in my story sooner than it’s meant to be. But if I did that, the first thing you’d do to me is slap me across the face and somehow kick me back into my body. Still, even the fact you would bother touching me feels like it would be worth everything.
Just because I don’t say it out loud, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel agonizing loneliness and guilt that often tempts me to end it all. This is my punishment.
I love you. I love you so much it’s ripping me apart that you’re not here to watch me start anew and begin another chapter. And the fact that you’re not here is my fault. The worst part is that you basically forgave me. Why did you choose me of all people you could’ve live a long, happy life with?
It hurts to be something to someone. It’s worse to be nothing.
I’m trying every day to become even a piece of what you were. If I did so, would a part of you live with me? But I can’t do it. How did you live every day not feeling a single drop of anger or resentment to people— actually, I wouldn’t know that. How do you hold your tongue and forgive so easily?
I don’t want to hurt anybody more with my words. I swear to myself each day, but I just stand as the words make way out from my mouth. Because that’s just who I am, and I was never a good person to begin with.
If I manage to get even a fragment of redemption, I’ll beg and pray to whatever the fuck is out there that you’re somewhere in this universe, living happily with someone worthy of your love. Without the judgement of the gods and without the cruel opera of fate. Even if we’re two worlds apart, just the fact you’re somewhere out there will be enough for me to live on.
The curtains will draw and exhibit our flaws. But for you, I will play the fool on this empty stage for as long as it takes.
Would you write more of your silly little notes, for us in another life?
Signed,
W/n.
~
He leaned back on the stone, closing his eyes as a cool puff of wind blue by and gently jingled the ornaments hanging from his headwear. Growing annoyed, he took it off and tossed it somewhere nearby. W/n lifted the letter sealed in a pale blue was sigil, not wishing to read it again. That was probably the most amount of corny romance things he could withstand for the next few centuries.
But for her… He could write thousands more.
Sighing, the wanderer gently popped the seal open to make sure the letter was there for the hundredth time. Due to the way he folded it, the last bit of the letter was visible when he opened the envelope.
He brushed off his clothing and stood up. The stone slate he was leaning on read words that ached to even read.
In the loving memory of
Y/n L/n
Placing the letter where he was sitting before, W/n stared at the flower crown that Nahida made earlier sitting by the top of the memorial. His eyes softened ever so slightly.
“Rest well.” He whispered. Knowing if he stayed any longer he may spend the entire night here again, he forced his feet to turn away. Y/n always loved sending tiny folded notes and letters to him since they could rarely interact as anything else than a subordinate and a harbinger. From dumb doodles to letters about pointless rambling, he kept every single thing she sent him in a locked drawer sealed with five different elemental seals.
Would you write more notes, for us in another life?
He felt the breeze stifling through his hair again. But instead of the cooler night breeze, it felt strangely warm. Not in the sticky and iffy way, but comfortingly. W/n closed his eyes and felt the puffs of air graze his face welcomingly.
After all, no one knew where the wind came from, or where it will go next.
~~~
A/n my fingers are ab to break off
Merry early Christmas to everyone who celebrates ‼️‼️ Ty for reading my fics and for all the comments that keep me going, I hope everyone has a wonderful christmas 😆
Next chap might take a bit to update bc im planning on going back to once twice to fix up the chapter formats, but it’s on its way. The side story ends with this chap, ill think of smthg else for next side chaps to come
Once again, have a wonderful christmas with your loved ones 😋😋
8371 words
[text_hash] => 64f9b375
)