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💌
From another eyes
ft. mr. Zhongli
” 하루 종일 뭐가 그리 슬펐지 “
–
Throughout the rest of the week, Scaramouche’s strange behaviors continued. I can’t seem to point out why exactly he’s suddenly become like this in the span of a single day. It’s definitely something either I or someone did. Maybe he got into an argument with Ei? But that doesn’t seem to be the case.. If that was so, it would have reached my ears one way or another.
But then again, what am I to him?
I do consider him as a good friend, or maybe a close colleague? A little sharp tongued and reserved, but he doesn’t mean it half of the time. However, if I had to be nakedly honest, I would be lying to say I’ve been completely unaffected by his demeanor in general.
I’m not saying I feel offended by his words or ignorance nowadays, but just… You know the feeling of raising a plant for months and years, watering it and listening to music with it, and it finally shows a piece of green in the brown dirt. And not two days later, it withers and dies.
Many considers me as the shameless extrovert of the group, and that’s what I want people to think of me. It’s easier for students to talk to me and helps people approach me much less difficult. But would be another lie to say acting airy and cheerful all day isn’t the least bit draining as a person. Being the caring one who doesn’t complain and always finds a solution for others, and steps out of line if it means defending someone. Well, that’s just who ms. L/n is.
I don’t fully understand what it feels to love someone or be loved by someone. As a friend, family- nevertheless anything more. Of course, I wouldn’t just say this to someone’s face. I would hurt them.
It feels selfish not being able to say those three words while truly meaning it to those who genuinely care for me. Maybe one day. But that’s not my main point here.
With such a dramatic childhood and personality, one could probably write me to be the main character of a book.
I know that keeping everything inside my head is not a healthy coping mechanism. But if someone else was in my shoes, what would they do? Seasonal depression rolling on, months worth doctor’s visits postponed. On top of that, a friend that’s suddenly acting weird and won’t talk to me. I guess I’ve made progress just by the fact I’m still intact in one (somewhat) healthy body right now.
I have a roof over my head and fridge with food. There’s a door to my room, friends, a good work field, and wonderful people all around me. I can perform out my hobbies even at my job, and have a quiet roommate-friend. Really, there is nothing to complain about anymore.
…Maybe this is a toxic trait number two.
How am I going to explain to Ei that I’m basically feeling sad and crippled because of no sun and won’t be able to go to work tomorrow.
-were my thoughts as I bit the inside of my cheek with the laptop right in front of me. Typing out another sentence on the white screen of the Email app, I read over it at least a dozen times only to delete it once more. Should I say I’m sick? Family issues? Actually, knowing that she knows most of my background, she’ll be even more concerned with that. Maybe make it blatantly a personal excuse by saying I’m catching up with an extremely important friend??
Hi Ms. Raiden!
Just wanted to let you know that I don’t think I will be able to come to work tomorrow. I don’t feel well, but I think I’ll get better over the weekends 😁
Hope you can understand. : D
P.S. pls don’t have the same substitute as last time to sub my classes. Shes nasty.
Ms. L/n
After what felt like years of debating and cringing over my sentences over again, I finally pressed on the blue send button. Shutting the screen, I buried myself into the bed.
I feel guilty now. Am I really playing sick just because I feel a little sad and tired, leaving behind my duties and forcing others to take care of my work?
Don’t cry now. It’s alright, I’m sure things will work out somehow.. Maybe. Probably.
Actually, definitely not.
It’s just past ten o’clock at night. To think it’s already mid January makes me want to throw up. It feels like I’m forgetting something all of a sudden.. Someone’s birthday? A plan I made with someone?
I flipped my phone out and went into the calendar app, looking through my schedules for the rest of the month. A few teacher meetings, some deadlines, but nothing seemed that important. My eyes lingered over the star symbols on the third of January. Swiping to the next month, I nearly choked on my saliva at one of the dates that was upcoming. February the 14th, commonly symbolized with hearts and chocolates with new couples oozing with loving gazes. Everyone else in the world knows this day as Valentine.
But to my peers, it’s ms. L/n’s birthday.
“How romantic, your parents having you on Valentine’s day!” Or “You must’ve gotten so many confessions on your birthday” Are the most common things I hear from people, which I reply with a chuckle or a simple comment back. If only I had such parents who would even celebrate one of any holidays in all of 365 days in one years. And I wasn’t exactly the most compatible person between my elementary and secondary years.
…
..I want strawberry cheesecake for this year. Or maybe mango?
…
For the rest of the night, she distracted her running tears with thoughts of which cake to bake for her birthday, drowning in denial and ignorance of everything.
☆
I woke up as the rare sunlight hit my face. It was half past nine in the morning, first period should be close to ending by now. A reply from Ei came saying that it was alright and that she hopes that I get better soon.
The house sounded empty other than the small scratching at my door.
“Kabuki?” The cat purred and rubbed into my legs, his ears flickering. His tail seemed to be almost vibrated in an upside down J shape. I rubbed his head a few times and headed towards the kitchen while Kabuki followed in a hurry with his tiny legs. Scaramouche seemed to have left as usual, which wasn’t a surprise. It was stupid to feel the slightest bit hurt that he didn’t ask anything about my regards. I mean, I guess the only reasonable excuse I wasn’t there was that I’m not feeling well. Still, he was concerned for me the last time I was sick. Don’t get delusional L/n.
Maybe an hour of reading a new web comic, I got up from my seat on the couch and changed out of my sleepwear. Moping around in a paint smeared sweatshirt and pajama pants all day probably wasn’t going to help me anytime soon. Kabuki meowed as he pawed at my ankle with sparkling eyes. My breath got choked in my throat.
“You wana come along?” I picked him up and he immediately rubbed his face all over my cheek. There was a tinge of a familiar scent on him, though.
Cologne mixed with all coffee. Symbolism of Raiden Scaramouche. Was he cuddling with him all night?
“…Let’s go out on that date, shall we?”
Meow!
☆
The sunlight definately feels nice. It’s still winter, so the breeze is a bit chilly, but it’s bearable. Kabuki poked his head out from the backpack I placed him in. He went back into the blanket on the bottom as soon as a soft whiff of wind grazed his purplish black fur. A cotton ball shaped decoration and a small golden feather with his name and my number hung from his collar. Now that I think of it, he kind of looks like a certain someone.
Sitting on a bench, I placed the bag on the table as the feline popped his head out once more. He jumped onto my lap and made himself comfortable, closing his eyes softly. There were no kids around since it was still school hours, but a few old couples leisurely walked past by as they talked about how nice the day was. How old was mom supposed to be this year again..? Fifty? Sixty? A headache formed just by the thoughts of it. I somehow caught myself staring at the elderly couple’s happy smiles as they sat down on a bench nearby mine.
Closing my eyes, I heaved out a tired breath and looked up to the sky. There were bits and pieces of light gray and white clouds. Moments turned into minutes, turning into hours. The couple had already left, and I could hear children walking home in a distance.
When my mind finally came back into the world, the expected ball of fur on my lap was nowhere to be seen.
“Kabuki?? Kabuki!” I’m actually going to fucking cry. What if he ran away and got hit by a car or got kidnapped, or maybe stuck up in a tree, what if the neighborhood kids bullied him?? “Kabuki!” I grabbed the bag and whipped my head around, searching for a tiny bundle of black fuzz anywhere nearby.
“Miss?” A deep voice called out from behind. I finally took notice of the long shadow that was casted over my own. “I was thinking perhaps you were searching for this cat.” When I turned around, there was an expectedly tall male who was holding Kabuki in his arms. I was too blinded by the surge of relief to take proper notice of who the man was. Taking him back from his hold, I held the cat into my chest. “Oh my goodness, thank you so much…”
A whiff of cologne that smelt like would belong to an elderly old man on a sunday walk was carried by the breeze. When I looked up, a pair of sharp golden eyes looked back at me with a surprisingly gentle smile. “No problem.”
He looks kind of familiar..
☆
“Mr. Zhongli, look at what I made!” A fifth grade girl in a neatly brushed hair and a cream coloured dress held up a piece of paper up to the much taller male. He hand to both kneel and bend down to be at least similar eye level with the girl. “Hm? Let’s see.” Taking the paper, he observed the piece. Barely anyone would believe that was drawn by a ten year old. From looks, it was an obvious and well drawn painting of the playground outside.
“This looks fantastic. I can tell you out in an ashtoning amount of effort.” He gently tousled her h/c hair and gave her painting back. “You’re already grasping onto shadow anatomy and perspectives. I have no other words to say other than that your talents are extraordinary, miss Y/n.” She smiled with pride and held the canvas to her chest. “…Can you hold onto this one too?” She quietly murmured.
The brunette male nodded and took the canvas from her before walking to his desk. Y/n followed him as he opened the last drawer, which was filled with many other drawings or works she has created over the last two years. They had been requested by her to be held onto by him until she graduated, since they weren’t exactly welcomed in her house.
“Mr. Zhongli, can I spend lunch recess in the teacher’s lounge again?”
“You’re welcomed any time. Ah, the bell rang. You should go back to your class.”
☆
“Mr…. Zhongli?” He tilted his head in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened in realization at the familiar figure before him. Indeed, the woman’s features looked familiar.
“Y/n?” The two of them stared at each other for a good minute, beyond bewildered. The last time they had seen one another by flesh was Y/n’s primary school graduation ceremony.
Without thinking much whether it was proper or not, she practically threw herself onto him. The brunette stood still for a moment, before eventually reflecting the embrace back. A gush of memories came back as she buried her face into his shoulder. “…Is this actually you?” She whispered breathlessly as something warm slid down her left cheek.
“I should be asking that.” He smelled just as she remembered. Perfume which old men in their late sixties would wear, mixed with the scent of sea salt and oolong tea. Even his fashion sense stayed the same.
Laughter almost choked former student as she smelt the faintest bit of her favorite washing detergent on his coat. Well, technically it was his favorite first.
“I missed you so much.. Old man.” He smiled softly, making her swallow back the tears attempting to burst in her eyes.
“I can say the same, miss Y/n.”
☆
Eventually, we walked to the nearest coffee shop and decided to catch up with each other. It somehow turned out that he was now teaching at a university nearby..? I thought teaching four year olds to fourteen year olds were one thing, but Zhongli was a whole another level. Laughter often flooded our table as we told each other our stories and listened to the other.
It felt… Comforting.
We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. The cafe wasn’t too loud, occasional drops of utensils and sounds of liquids pouring behind the counters. The brunette looked over at me, obvious that he was about to say something. “I don’t mean this in any other way, and feel free to ignore it if you wish so.” He spoke in a calm voice. Despite his rather friendly personality, I remember kids in our school being deathly afraid of him due to his deep voice and tall frame. “Hm? Go ahead.” I nodded and took another long sip of the latte I ordered. The contents were barely over lukewarm and was comfortable to drink.
“Has something been going on?” Zhongli’s soft smile had turned into one of genuine concern as he placed his cup of tea down. The brownish orange liquid made ripples across the surface. “You don’t have to force yourself to sit here and entertain me, please go home and rest if you want to.”
“No no- it’s not like that. I really wanted to catch up with you, and I had time dangling around for me to waste away.” I shook my hands frantically in front of me and reassured him. One thing about that grandpa.. Was that no matter what trick or words I used, he always somehow knew when something was going on. Good thing? Probably. Reassures my mind? Fuck no.
“I’m just… A bit stressed out with work nowadays.” A smile stretched its way across my lips and I waved it off. There’s no doubt that he picked up something was wrong, but he didn’t push the topic further after that. Instead, he seemed interested in the second last word I spoke. “Ah, I’ve been meaning to ask. What do you work as nowadays? Do you still pursue art?” He questioned as his eyes softened at the last sentence.
“I’m a teacher now!” The mood instantly brightened as a genuine open mouth smile beamed upon him. “I used to be an elementary teacher, but I got moved to a high school a few months ago. It’s Teyvat academy, the one pretty close to here, and you wouldn’t understand how huge it is! There’s seven departments- Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, Sumeru, Fontaine, Natlan, and Snezhnaya. I teach Inazuma, Sumeru, and Liyue while another teacher called mr. Kreideprinz teaches the other four. Oh, I have to tell you about this one student who……”
Like that, the conversation soon began to turn one-sided, but Zhongli didn’t seem to mind. He occasionally nodded and replied in small comments, but watched with the proud smile of a parent as he watched the young woman babble on about each and every events that happened to her until then. Her image flashed between a h/c female in her late twenties to a young girl with sparkling eyes and a long bob cut. To think she was the same quiet and jumpy girl back then was rather amazing to see as someone who hadn’t seen her in the past… 12? 13? How long has it even been?
So this is what parents meant when they said their kids will always be a kid to them.
“Oh- and did I mention this one coworker who roommates with me now?” Her eyes shined as she waited for her companion to talk. An imaginary tail wagged excitedly behind her in anticipation. Zhongli only smiled and tilted his head, barely hearing what she had said. “Hm? I don’t think so.” He responded, expecting another round of ranting about a nice female coworker who lived with her that she undoubtedly befriended.
“Ok, so, his name is Scaramouche, and he was actually my neighbor before, right? And then some stuff happened and we somehow live together now, don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty chill, but he’s just-” The older teacher blinked as he processed her words. “I apologize for interrupting you, miss Y/n.” His grip on the teacup soon tightened as his knuckles turned pale.
“But did you say… You were roomating with a male?“
“Yeah! He pays his part of the rent and sometimes makes dinner.” The young woman didn’t seem to notice anything off about Zhongli. Her expression suddenly turned a little more neutral as she remembered a fact about the said roommate. “Although.. He’s been acting pretty weird lately.” Y/n’s tone dropped by a whole octave as he tilted his head slightly in interest at the topic. “…Could you tell me weird in what way?” Zhongli was still clenching onto his cup with a passive aggressive closed eye smile. Y/n failed to notice his change in demeanor, but maybe that was for the best.
She quietly spoke about her rather complex relationship with her roommate and how they normally interacted with each other. How they manage to live with each other, his personality and living habits, so on. It did bug her mind that she was practically telling someone else’s life story to someone they don’t know, but this was Zhongli in the picture, so it’s fine. He knew things her own birth giver didn’t know about and kept it with him for over a decade, after all.
The professor placed a hand on his chin and looked at his past student who stared down at the table sadly at the mention of her colleague. Although by sounds, he was probably something far more than just a person at work. This ‘Scaramouche’ was no person he had met personally, so he had no rights to judge him. However… From hearing the story in Y/n’s point of view, the answer to this conflict was blatantly obvious in all ways possible.
Her roommate liked her. And this young man in her stories was sending every visible signal possible he could with his somewhat reserved personality. Whether he was aware of it or not.
Now, Zhongli was a professor at a university and been around students from toddlers to grown adults for his whole life. He has seen all sorts of romance bloom among those students, and Y/n was the most frustrating type to watch from afar. Oblivious to the bottom of her bone.
“sigh I’m just pretty frustrated nowadays. A friend who’s acting weird, a mentally unstable mother who’s about to get discharged from the psych ward, it’s… Great.” Y/n heaved out another sigh at the thought of her life situations. Zhongli opened his mouth to give her encouragement, but paused at her second sentence. “Y/n, did you just say…”
Her e/c eyes widened slightly and slapped a hand on her mouth. It seemed she didn’t mean to have that topic slip from her lips. “Oh, uh, look at the time. My roommate should be home by now.” She hurriedly got up from her seat with an apologetic expression and fished out a small notepad and pen from her bag. The young woman scribbled a series of numbers before practically slamming against the desk, and left with a small farewell. “Add me to your contacts, I paid for our stuff!”
Zhongli watched silently as his former student made her was out the cafe with the cat in her arms. His eyes softened at the sight of her face darkening as soon as she exit the building. She soon dissapeared from the view by the windows, probably heading home. He took the last sip from his drink and placed the cup down, about to make his own way home.
As sappy as it sounded, he hoped with all his heart that she’d one day meet someone who would embrace every part of who she was, not just the cheerful teacher who showed to others. Someone who she could say those three meaningful words to, that she was never able to say it from the bottom of her heart.
—-
A/n no scara in this chap but next chap will
The next few parts will be pretty frustrating with one mf dense as a rock and the other drowning in the nile so I’ll apologize in advance (not). This was my first time writing in first pov, how was it? Should I do this more often?
I kin yn sm i would go visit her everyday on my lunch breaks if she was my teacher
I’m gojnna cry I’m past 800 followers I love every single one of you I wana give yall a big fat smooch (real)
3676 words
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