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“You have dialed emergency Triple Zero. Your call is being connected.”
“Don’t – call – them!” Victor grits out, reaching out a hand in my direction but his condition does not allow him to get any closer. “Please!”
I hesitate, just for a second, before the voice on the other end asks me to state my emergency. “I was attacked,” I state slowly, my mouth moving faster than my brain, which is still completely shaken up, still recovering from the suffocating feeling of him on top of me. He swears, grimacing in pain as his breathing becomes shallow and his face pales, and I almost feel sorry for the man. Almost.
“I was attacked, and there was an attempted rape, and he had a gun, and I tried to get it off him and he – he got shot,” I choke out finally, my heart throbbing in my ears like a bass drum. The calm tone of the woman on the other side is so unsettling in contrary to how I’m feeling right now, but I don’t address these feelings. Not yet. Because if I do, I won’t be able to stay calm. I have to stay calm.
“An ambulance and police car are on their way. Thank you for calling Triple Zero.”
With a trembling hand I set the phone back into its place, my breathing rough and heavy as I try not to panic. Eomma will be home soon.
What am I going to do?
“You little bitch,” the man spits as he clutches his leg, still writhing in pain.
“Go to hell,” I retort, but it doesn’t sound like me. No, the girl who just spoke sounds stronger, much more held together, much less…fragile.
“I should’ve just shot you when I had the chance,” he winces. “You probably don’t even know how to take it.” He smirks, twisted and ugly. “You’ve probably never even had sex befo –”
“Shut the fuck up or I’ll shoot you again,” I point the gun at him, surprised to find my hand firm and steady. “And this time I won’t miss the target.”
I don’t know who I am anymore, but something has shifted. Something has changed, and as my heart pounds madly at the sight of his well-deserved agony, lying in a pool of his own villainous blood, it feels like I’m not myself. I’m just an actress in a movie, playing a part. Soon, the director is going to yell, “Cut!” and I can put the gun down, take a water break, maybe have some grapes –
I don’t know who I am anymore.
“Do you do this with Taehyung? Does this kind of roleplay turn him on or something?”
A gunshot goes off, so loud that it startles me, until I realize that I’m the one who triggered it.
There’s a gaping hole in Eomma’s favourite pillow.
“Next time it’ll be you,” I hear myself say, and I notice his eyes widen slightly with an emotion that I’ve never seen on him. Fear.
“You’re fucking insane,” he gasps. “Maybe just as insane as me.”
“I’m not anything like you,” I seethe. “You’re complete scum, and I hope you rot in jail for the rest of your life. Now shut up before I shoot you!”
And that’s when I notice the sound of sirens.
【★】
Everything went by like a dream.
I watched them roll his body onto a stretcher, fading away due to the large loss of blood, and then the police arrived, grilling me with so many questions that by the end of it I don’t even remember what I said.
All I know is that I’m innocent, and he’s guilty.
He tried to rape me while intoxicated, he had a gun, and I acted out of self-defense, as anyone would.
Of course, the hole in the pillow wasn’t exactly self-defense, but Eomma wasn’t concerned about that.
“Did he touch you?”
I nodded, because he did, he touched me a lot, but he didn’t get to do what he wanted. Didn’t get to use my body to satisfy himself.
“Oh, baby, come here.”
She hugged me for a very long time, and I didn’t realize I was crying until she let me go for a second only to wrap me up again, letting me stain her shirt that smelt like black bean noodles and kimchi with my tears.
And then I took another shower, a long hot one, even though the water bill was already too high, but it was okay, don’t worry, you can do anything you need to do to feel better.
It was going to take a lot to feel better again.
You’re so lucky, so lucky, she kept repeating like a soothing lullaby as she stroked my hair while I fell asleep, or at least tried to.
My nightmares didn’t let me sleep in peace.
Every hour I’d wake up in a sweat, reliving the night again and again, everything that happened crashing together at once so that my brain cannot process it, my heart beating so hard it might just explode, my skin crawling with the ghosts of his fingers trialing over me, shivering with the memory of his rank whiskey breath.
I don’t know how I’m going to go back to studying, go back to routine, go back to laughing and eating and living like a normal nineteen-year-old girl.
I don’t know how I’m going to face Taehyung again.
【★】
ᴛᴀᴇʜʏᴜɴɢ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ
She’s avoiding my calls.
And it’s so out of the blue, because we were so happy. Everything’s good again. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before Aria. The numerous girls I’ve loved before never returned my feelings, and the ones that did were not as nice. Or as smart. Or as beautiful.
No one is as perfect as Aria is for me.
And I love her. And she knows how much I love her. I’ve told her and shown her over and over again, with every single touch, every single kiss, at every single hour of every single day.
So why isn’t she texting me back?
“Something’s wrong,” I say as soon as the call connects.
Jimin immediately goes into parental mode. “What? What’s wrong? Tae, what happened?”
“Aria. She’s not answering any of my text or calls and it’s been two days.”
“Then go to her house and see her in person. Why do you have to wait for a response when you can just visit her?”
I snap my fingers, eyes wide as I realize how stupid I am and how…smart Jimin is. “Oh my god, you are right! What am I doing?”
“Ah, you idiot,” Jimin laughs at me. “Anyways, I hope everything’s okay.”
“I hope so too,” I say as I slip on my shoes, getting ready to leave. “Sorry to bother you, Jimin. I’ll call you again later okay?”
“Okay, cutie,” Jimin winks, and I giggle. As soon as the call ends, the smile drops from my face.
Time to go check up on my girlfriend.
“Where’re you going?” Eonjin stops me before I can leave.
“To see Aria.”
“Can I come?”
I sigh. “Fine. Hurry up.”
She takes ten minutes to get ready, which in her opinion isn’t a lot of time, but when you’re in a big rush to see someone, ten minutes is like ten hours.
“Come on, just wear your runners, I don’t care if they don’t match with your outfit, let’s go,” I drag her by the arm and we finally head out to the nearest bus stop.
It’s then that I realize that I forgot to feed Yeontan.
“Did you feed Yeontan?”
“No, I thought you did?”
We groan as we realize who we left responsible for the dog. “Jeonggyu won’t remember to feed him,” Eonjin whines. “He can’t even remember to feed himself.”
“Hopefully Eomma or Appa get home before we do,” I say as I check my phone for the millionth time. Still no text. Maybe she’s studying really hard that she turned off her phone? We did agree not to meet up until Tuesday at the library, but still…
“So why are we seeing Aria? Is she sick?”
“She’s ignoring me,” I pout.
“Doesn’t she always ignore you though?”
I elbow her in the ribs, and she yelps in pain. “Ow! You know it’s true! You’re kind of annoying sometimes.”
“I’m not that annoying. I just want to talk to her and be with her all the time,” I mumble in my defense.
“You love her, right?”
I nod without hesitation, and Eonjin coos, pinching my cheek. “Aw, look at you, all in love! So cute!”
“Stop,” I move away from her, biting back a smile.
“My big brother is in love!” she declares, arms thrown up to the ceiling of the bus. “Everybody, he’s in love!”
“Shut up,” I nudge her as people begin to stare, and she just giggles, enjoying herself.
“Hey, it’s my job to embarrass you,” she counters with a grin.
We reach Aria’s apartment, and I exhale shakily, feeling nervous for some reason. Eonjin grips my shoulders, giving them a little massage as she murmurs encouraging words.
“Relax, bro. I’m sure it’s fine.”
For once I’m glad I brought my little sister along, because her words manage to relax me just a little. It’s fine, I tell myself as I knock on the door.
When there’s no answer, I try the knob, but it’s locked.
“Maybe she’s not home?” Eonjin whispers, and that’s when I notice that the neighbour’s door is covered in yellow tape: Crime Scene, Do Not Cross.
“What the hell happened here?” I approach the door, which no doubt is Victor’s, and try the doorknob. Locked.
“This place is dodgy,” Eonjin wrinkles her nose at the mildew stained hallway carpet and the flickering light. “They should’ve just stayed with us.”
“Oi!”
We both turn, jumping at the sound of the voice that comes from the end of the hallway where a couple of guys in caps begin to march over to us. Police.
“What do you two think you’re doing? Do you live here?”
“No, we were just visiting someone,” I answer, instinctively moving in front of my sister. One of the officers scrutinizes me, and then he exclaims, “Wait a minute, I know you!”
I gulp, not knowing whether to run or to hide behind Eonjin, who arches an eyebrow in confusion. “You know him?”
“No,” I shake my head fervently, hoping that the officer would just let it go, but he just squints at me.
“No, I definitely remember you,” he points. “You got into a fight a week or so ago and I had to arrest you and the other guy. The guy that lives here. Long. Victor Long.” He turns to his colleague for confirmation, and he nods. “You know Victor, don’t you?”
I gulp, glancing at Eonjin, who has her hands on her hips, much like the stance of the officer interrogating me right now, staring me down. “Yes, sir,” I admit. “I know him.”
“Then I’m going to need you to come with me, answer a few questions,” he beckons for me to follow him, so I do, but not before I tell Eonjin, “Check on Aria for me. And if she’s not here, go to Jin’s restaurant. Okay?”
She nods, biting her lip, and I give her one last look, a look that translates to, Keep this quiet, got it?
And then I follow the officers into the elevator, praying that Aria doesn’t have anything to do with this mess.
【★】
ᴀʀɪᴀ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ
There are knocks on the door, but I ignore them as I struggle to concentrate on the letters and numbers in front of me.
Ugh, why can’t I concentrate?
The knocks get louder before dying out completely. Then I swear I can hear voices outside the door, so I creep up to it to check on what’s going on outside.
Through the murky hole I make out a cluster of people, two of them police officers. But I can’t quite make out the other two, until one of them moves, revealing…
Taehyung.
Oh, no, he must be here for me. And is that…Eonjin?
My heart sinks in my chest. I’ve been ignoring his calls and his texts for the past couple of days, and he must be worried. It doesn’t help that we made plans to study together tomorrow.
Why am I so afraid to talk to him again?
Because he can see right through me. He’ll know something is wrong just by looking at me, and then I’ll have to tell him what happened…
I can’t speak about it yet. I don’t want to. I feel embarrassed, disgusted, traumatized.
I shot a man. Even if that man is Victor, seeing him bleeding profusely on my carpet, which has since been removed, unlike my memories of him on top of me –
I don’t even want to think about it.
The figures in the hallway shift, leaving just Eonjin there, and for a second, I swear we make eye contact, so I move away, heart beating fast.
“Aria?” she knocks softly on the door, leaning against it. “Are you there?”
Can I let her in?
“Yeah,” I respond, sliding the chain and then turning the lock, cracking the door open slowly. Once Eonjin sees me, she pounces onto me with an embrace, my nose burying into her fragrant coconut flower scented locks. Her warmth is comfort and home, and I let myself become consumed in it for a long moment before we step apart, her hand stroking the side of my face.
“How have you been? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating enough food?”
I nod, the default response to all these questions, even if I want to say, “No, I haven’t been sleeping well because I’ve been having nightmares, and I haven’t been eating enough because I lost my appetite since that night.”
“Are you sure? You look tired,” she scrutinizes my face, but I brush her off, forcing a smile.
“I’ve just been studying hard, that’s all. Don’t worry, Eonjin-ah.”
“It’s my job to worry, you’re like a sister to me, plus Taehyung wanted me to check up on you for him, since he’s answering some questions at the police st –” suddenly she claps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. “I’ve said too much.”
“Eonjin, I know,” I assure her, and she frowns.
“How?”
“I, uh, looked through the peephole,” I point to the door, and she gasps.
“So you were ignoring us!”
“No I just –” I sigh. “I was studying, and then I heard a knock, but I thought I imagined it, and then when I checked again you guys were talking to police so I just waited –”
“Okay, I believe you,” Eonjin giggles, whacking my arm playfully, and for the first time since that night, I smile. Just a little.
“Hey, do you wanna get lunch together? Maybe get out of the house a bit, take a study break?” Eonjin tugs my arm, jutting her chin towards the door, and I hesitate.
“Uh…”
“Come on, you look like you need some fresh air, let’s get out of this dump! No offense,” she adds sheepishly, and I roll my eyes, giving in.
“Okay, just let me get changed.”
As I shimmy into some jeans and a clean white t-shirt, running a comb through my hair, I realize something. Eonjin is the closest female friend I have. A girl I can talk to about anything, just like a younger sister who understands me inside and out. Even if I can’t tell her about what happened to me, I can at least forget about it for a while, get out of my own head and lose myself in her world.
It feels good to have someone I can trust outside Taehyung and my mother, someone who cares about me and looks for me when I’ve isolated myself. It’s people like that which I lost in my life over time, people that let me down or didn’t care enough to check up on me.
“Hey, Eonjin?”
“Mm?” she looks up from her noodles which dangle from her mouth, much like they did from Taehyung’s mouth that first day he sat at my table, crashing my lonely party and bursting my bubble, and I crack a genuine smile at the familiar scene.
“I’m glad I met Taehyung,” I say as she slurps up the noodles in one go, covering her mouth as she chews, and as soon as she swallows, she grins.
“I’m glad you met him too.”
【★】
ᴛᴀᴇʜʏᴜɴɢ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ
Eonjin texted me the address of the restaurant they are in, and as soon as the interrogation was over, I ran out of there, so fast that I bumped into a few people, but I didn’t care.
I need to see Aria’s face again.
It feels just like that first time, when I dropped everything to visit her while she was sick, so sick that it broke my heart, because she was alone, alone and sick, but I won’t ever let her suffer through anything alone again. She can’t when she has me.
The police wouldn’t tell me the details of what happened with Victor. They just wanted to know who else was associated with him, because surprise, surprise, he’s a criminal on probation who’s done more than I even knew about since I stopped associating myself with him. I only got to overhear one of the officers mention hospital arrest, but I don’t know what that means. Is Victor in the hospital? Then why is his apartment door barred with caution tape?
Aria.
She’s all that matters right now.
Call me clingy, or pathetic, or whatever you want, but two days away from her is two days too many. I can’t survive like this, especially when there’s no texts or calls in between.
I reach the front of the restaurant with panting breaths, because I ran all the way from the bus stop to here because I couldn’t wait for a tram, not when running is so much faster.
I enter the warm spicy environment filled with chatter and clutter, but my heart doesn’t rest until my eyes land on her, leaning against the paneled wood wall while listening to Eonjin describe something with big gestures, causing Aria’s shoulders to shake with laughter, her hair trailing down her back and tucked behind her ears.
I suddenly feel awkward for the first time, especially when a waitress asks if I would like a table, and I shake my head, my eyes meeting Eonjin’s, who says something to make Aria turn.
Her eyes widen as if she wasn’t expecting me, and as I weave between the tables towards them, her gaze breaks from mine to ask Eonjin something.
” – he here?”
“He wants to see you!” is Eonjin’s response to whatever Aria said, and that’s when I appear, touching her shoulder and causing her to flinch.
She peers up at me with a look of panic and fear, and I frown, wondering why she’s so…jumpy.
“Aria, I was so worried, are you okay?” I touch her arm again, and I try not to get too hurt when she moves away while answering.
“I just…needed some time alone. That’s all.”
“Oh,” I drop my head down, tucking my lower lip into my mouth as I think of what to say next. “So you’re okay?”
She nods, pasting a bright smile on her face, but it doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “Yep!”
I notice her phone on the table, and she notices me noticing it, so she blurts, “I had my phone off for the past two days. You know. To study.”
I nod, pressing my lips together into a thin line. “Hm.”
“Tae, bring a chair over and sit with us, you can order something if you want –”
“We were just leaving,” Aria interrupts Eonjin, giving her a look, and she hesitates, glancing at me.
“Are you hungry, Taehyung?”
“I could eat,” I say, my eyes still on Aria.
“Okay, let’s order something for you. Excuse me!” my bold and brave sister waves over a waitress, never having trouble with getting what she wants in any situation. As soon as she orders she stands up, muttering something about going to the bathroom, leaving me alone with Aria. Finally.
“Aria, do you know what happened to Victor? I think he’s in hospital.”
She begins to play with the napkins, something that I usually do, but I guess she picked the habit up from me. “Yeah, he got shot or something…”
“Shot?” I raise my eyebrows, even though it’s not surprising. The bastard gets himself in so many dangerous situations, it was only a matter of time before a bullet got to him.
‘Yeah, that’s what the police told me.”
“They didn’t tell me anything.”
“Well, that’s because you don’t live next door,” she retorts, and I pucker my brow, suspicious.
“Aria.”
She looks up finally, before flicking her gaze away, along with the napkin. She’s about to pick up another one when I reach out to stop her, my large hand swallowing hers. She is frozen as I unfold her fingers, lacing mine between them and squeezing, and somehow that seems to unfreeze her, unravel the tension in her shoulders as she visibly melts before me.
“I missed you,” I say, rubbing my thumb over her soft skin. “I missed you a lot.”
“I missed you too,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry, Taehyung.”
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” I assure her, grabbing both her hands and lifting them to my lips while keeping my gaze locked on hers. “I’m here now.”
I don’t know if it’s the lighting, but her eyes seem to shimmer with something that looks like tears, but then suddenly they are gone, and she graces me with a soft smile. “I love you.”
I plant another kiss to her hands, clutching them tightly in mine as I say, with all my heart, “I love you more.”
【★】
guess who starts their second year of uni tomorrow 🙄
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