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“Taehyung?”
I continue to stare at him through the crowd, dumbfounded. It can’t be him…but I’d recognize that face in a heartbeat.
And all I can hear is my heartbeat as he locks eyes with me, while a girl with dyed red hair rests her palm on his cheek, talking to him, and then his lips move.
Aria.
Why is he here? How is he here?
Who’s that girl?
So many questions, but the answers are postponed when Ella suddenly blocks my view, grabbing my hands and dancing with me.
“Let’s dance together, Aria!”
Her eyes are bright and her cheeks flushed, the alcohol burning through her body like fuel. I have no choice but to go along with her drunken high as she spins me around and then attempts to do the tango with me, all while I am trying to look past her to Taehyung.
But Taehyung isn’t there anymore.
“Ella, I need to – I gotta get some air,” I shout into her ear, and she nods, smiling hazily as she lets me go, moving on to the next victim on the dancefloor – Charlie.
I emerge from the dance area with a flustered sigh, running a hand through my hair as I scan the venue. As I do, I remember with a twist of guilt in my gut that he saw me dancing with Charlie. Even though we were just having fun, Taehyung would definitely take it the wrong way.
But he was also with someone else, and a girl at that! Plus, she was touching his face, and I didn’t lay a single finger on Charlie that entire time!
He better have a good explanation.
He really better have a bloody good explanation or I’m going to –
They’re leaving.
I spot the flash of red hair at the exit, dragging along a tall brunette in a leather jacket, until there’s nothing left of them both.
I follow blindly, stepping forward and not realizing that I am headed straight into a waiter pushing along a trolley of dirty plates. I fall, and in my attempt to steady myself, I grab the front of the trolley, bringing it towards me so that it tilts over, dumping leftovers onto my dress.
I end up on the floor, covered in bits of cake and sauce and other foods, while the waiter just gapes down at the mess, catching the attention of everyone around us.
All I can think in that moment is – I’m glad Taehyung left before he could see this.
But then I think about the red haired girl, how she had the audacity to hold his hand, to touch his face, to even be near him in the first place, and combined with the stinky mess I am in now, it all feels like too much, so I do what I always do when things get too much.
I burst into tears.
Typical Cancer, I can hear Eonjin’s voice, which only adds to my tears.
“Are you okay, miss?” the waiter bends down with a white cloth, handing it to me with an apologetic smile, and I take it, sniffling.
“Yeah, I’m…” I look down at all the mushed-up food on my beautiful dress and my throat clogs up. “I’m not okay,” I whisper.
“What happened?” Ella rushes over, dropping to my side and gasping. “Oh my God, let’s get you cleaned up!”
She leads me to the bathroom, waving everyone away and telling them to keep having fun, everything’s under control! I hide behind my hair, the tears still falling, and they don’t seem to stop, even when Ella manages to wipe away all the food from my dress.
“Aria, please don’t cry, it’s okay, I’ll personally pay for the dry cleaning of the dress,” she hands me a tissue, and I scrunch it in my fist, pressing it to my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I –” I sigh. “Something else happened.”
Ella furrows her brow, concerned. “What?”
I shake my head, not feeling like telling her about Taehyung. But then again…I have no one else to talk to right now, and she did help me clean up…
“Taehyung was here,” I blurt, and her eyebrows shoot up.
“I thought you said he couldn’t come?”
Oh crap I forgot about that. “I did, but…somehow, he came. And he wasn’t alone.”
Ella’s face crumples in realization. “Oh, no, honey,” she touches my cheek, and I flinch, instantly reminded of that red-haired bitch. Yeah, that’s right. I’m allowed to call her that and be angry about it. But that only triggers the tears again, tears that Ella wipes away as soon as they fall.
“Aria, honey, please don’t cry, you deserve so much better anyway,” her blue eyes stare fiercely at me. “Don’t let him break you down, okay? Men are not worth crying over.”
I nod, blowing my nose into the new tissue she gives me, but deep down, it feels like a well has opened up, and it just wants to gush forth with relentless tides of tears. All my insecurities, all my doubts and fears, have resurfaced, yet somehow Ella’s presence comforts me as we talk.
“I wish I could say there must be a reasonable explanation for all this, but it just doesn’t make sense why he would come here with another girl, especially since you didn’t tell him where the party was,” Ella says. “But at the same time, it might just be some crazy –”
“Coincidence,” I finish with her, and we share a smile.
“We used to always finish each other’s sentences, remember?” Ella’s smile becomes nostalgic and sad, as does mine. We used to be so close. But now, in my vulnerable moment, it seems like we are closing the gap we created, bit by bit.
“People thought we shared a brain cell,” I let out a laugh. “Which is not too far from the truth.”
“We were pretty stupid,” I can hear the implied double meaning in her tone, because we were pretty stupid: stupid to let petty things like popularity and social status break us apart. But why is it that every time we try to rekindle the friendship, something always interferes?
“Thank you for helping me,” I say a little awkwardly as I fiddle with the tissue in my hands. “And thank you for inviting me tonight.”
“No, please, don’t thank me, if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t be in this mess,” Ella shakes her head, eyes drooping with sympathy. “But I guess helping you is my way of repaying you for everything, because…you deserved so much better, and I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Ella, I’m okay,” I assure her, but I can’t assure myself.
“I really hope we can be friends again, Aria, like for real,” she squeezes my hands. “I don’t want to lose you again. And this is not just the alcohol talking, I’m serious. I want to be there for you. Especially now since…you know.”
I nod, pressing my lips together firmly to stop them from quivering again. Ella wraps her arms around me, rubbing my back, and I lean my head on her shoulder, grateful that I’m not alone.
It’s his fault. All his fault.
I was fine before I met him. I didn’t need anybody, didn’t feel the need to depend on anyone but myself, but now…I hate that I’ve become so attached. And not just to him. But to the feeling of companionship. The opposite of loneliness.
“Hey, Ella, I think I should head home now,” I say as I slowly pull away from her embrace that seemed to recharge me completely. She nods in understanding, taking out her phone from her purse.
“I’ll call an uber for you,” she smiles, and I smile back, feeling touched by her kindness.
Maybe having her back in my life is not such a bad thing after all.
“Come on, I’ll walk you out,” Ella grabs my hand, and I take it, loving the constant affection. It’s one of her best traits – her affectionate ways – and I really missed it. Missed her.
“Is she okay?” Layla comes up to us once we emerge from the bathroom, followed by Opal, whose eyebrows are knitted together in concern at me.
“She’s fine, I’m just walking her out to the uber,” Ella tells them for me.
“Aw, so you’re leaving?” Layla pouts at me, and I nod.
“Yeah. It was nice meeting you girls,” I force a smile.
“Aw, it was nice meeting you too, Aria! And if you ever need a makeover, you know who to come to,” Opal points to herself with a wink, and my forced smile blooms into a genuine one as I reply with, “Of course! See ya!”
“Bye!” they wave.
As we walk through the building towards the exit, I keep looking around for Taehyung and the girl, but I don’t see them. At least, not until we are outside, and I see her.
She’s holding a cigarette, the smoke bursting from her nose and mouth as she scrolls on her phone, seeming bored. She’s alone, which means –
“Tae!” she suddenly starts waving, and that’s when I see him.
But he’s not alone. Oh, no, he’s followed by a couple of guys that look incredibly familiar. Vic and Frankie.
“Is that him?” Ella whispers as we come to a stop to look at the group that are about fifty meters away from us. I don’t answer her for I am too busy trying to figure out what they’re doing. Why is he with them?
“Who are those people he’s with?” Ella asks. “Is that the girl he came with? They all look like criminals.”
Criminals. And he is among them.
As if the night couldn’t get any worse.
He looks like he fits in, with his leather jacket and wicked smile. It’s almost like I’m watching his evil twin as Vic passes him some cash and he takes it, flipping through the notes like some kind of dealer. Frankie says something and Taehyung laughs, saying something back and causing the same reaction. It’s almost like they’re…friends.
“Do you know those people he’s with?”
I shake my head, feeling sick to my stomach. “No, and I really don’t want to.”
“Well, the uber’s here, so we better go,” Ella tugs my hand, and I let her drag me away from the scene, tears stinging my eyes. First the girl, now he’s back with his old gang? The same gang that he swore he would never associate with even if they paid him, and now…they’re paying him.
“Aria!”
Out of habit I turn, breaking away from Ella to see Taehyung jog up to me, his expression taut with so many different emotions. Guilt. Confusion. Desperation.
For a long moment we just stare at each other, until I force myself to look away.
“I don’t want to see you right now,” I pronounce my words carefully, stripping all emotion from my tone. Ella watches us both on the side, a silent audience who is unsure of what to do.
“Aria, let me explain –”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I look him dead in the eye this time, and he looks so…broken. Just like I am on the inside.
“Please,” he pleads, and over his shoulder I see his little “friends” watching us from the distance. My fists instantly clench up, as well as my heart. How could he betray me like this? After all we’ve been through –
“I have to go,” I take a step back, increasing the distance between us, but Taehyung just matches it with a step forward.
“No, you have to listen to me, Aria, please, I’ll do anything, just don’t –”
“Leave me alone,” my voice shakes, but the message carries out strong, like a slap to the face. “You said you’ll do anything? Then leave me alone. I…I need to be alone.”
I spin on my heel, tears brimming and head swimming with the events of the night, and I reach out for Ella, who slings an arm around me, stabilizing me, comforting me, supporting me, three things I really needed at that moment.
I thought I could trust him, I really did, but this…doesn’t settle well with me. I can’t bear to look at him in that damn leather jacket, a villain’s uniform, the skin of a betrayer. It doesn’t help that there’s alcohol in my veins, confusing my brain, emphasizing my pain and making it harder to think straight. Should I have listened to what he had to say? Should I have given him a chance to explain?
In my current state, those two were completely out of the question.
“Are you okay?” Ella asks softly as we stand outside the uber.
“I just need to go home and sleep,” I sniffle, thanking her when she hands me yet another tissue tonight.
“Yes, that’s the best thing to do, and Aria?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t ignore him forever. At least hear him out first before letting him go,” she squeezes my hand. “I made the same mistake with my ex, and it didn’t end well, as you can see,” she shrugs gloomily. “And don’t forget, I’m here for you, okay? If you ever wanna talk.”
I nod, lips trembling. “Thank you, Ella.” I give her one last hug. “Thank you.”
I wave at her through the window as I drive away, sinking into my seat with an exhausted sigh.
“Long night?” the uber driver asks.
“You can say that again.”
Thankfully, the driver doesn’t try to make small talk, instead letting the radio play some soulful melancholy tunes that make me stare out the window at the passing city lights with tears dripping from my eyes like I’m the lead actress in a romantic movie.
If only. Then the director could yell cut! And I could return to my normal life.
But what is normal anymore? Nothing has been normal since I met Taehyung.
And for the first time since I met him…I wish I never did. Because he betrayed me. He betrayed me, and I hate him so much for letting myself become so attached.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate –
My phone buzzes in my purse, and I pull it out lazily, not really caring who it is, until I see who it is.
Taehyung.
I watch it ring with a heavy heart, and the uber driver glances over. “I don’t mind if you answer the call. I’ll pretend not to listen.”
I hesitate, staring at the picture of his face, his sweet, beautifully sculpted face, grinning with both sets of teeth, peace signs pressed to his closed eyes. That’s the real Taehyung I know and love. But where has he gone?
I hover my thumb over the acceptance option, gnawing on my lower lip. And then, I make my decision.
1 missed call.
“Not gonna answer?” the nosy driver inquires, and I shake my head, turning the power off completely and putting it away.
“It was just an unknown number.”
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